Hello, my name is Brittni and I am a people pleaser. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem, right?
Today, I realized this has been a huge stumbling block for me. Many of the situations I have found myself in can be attributed to doing something I didn't really want to do because I thought someone else wanted me to or better yet, needed me to do. I have compromised my own beliefs, taken responsibility for things that were not my fault, even made untrue assessments about myself all for the pleasing of someone else. I called it being agreeable, keeping the peace. Only, I didn't have peace. How dumb is that?
Joyce Meyer writes, "IT ALL COMES DOWN TO ONE THING…Motives… Why are we doing (or not doing) something? Are we being motivated by fear, personal gain or a sense of obligation? Are we being motivated by a desire to be in control, accepted or seen? These are all the wrong reasons for doing something. Our motive for doing anything should always be because God has prompted us and we want to please Him."
While I do not believe there is anything wrong with keeping the peace, to an extent, I do think there are times that it is imperative that we swim upstream. Sometimes, we must go against the flow and take a stand. Sometimes, that can very well be a matter of safety, the difference between life or death. I almost lost my life in my marriage. I would participate in things that I didn't even like to be pleasing to my husband. He once said to me, "I will not have a wife who doesn't drink." He later recanted when I almost jumped out of a moving vehicle because I was so intoxicated. A retraction that came too little, too late. I was expected to look a certain way, act a certain way, and was made to feel like I had severe mental problems when I couldn't keep up the standard. I was often ushered to the psychiatrist's office if I even tried to express my feelings. I was told that I was just a little blue...I learned to keep my mouth shut. Of course, that only worked when I was sober. It all came out in an explosive and humiliating manner once the booze kicked in. This is comical, but soooo true:
The point is, I nearly lost my natural life in a couple of incidents, nearly obliterated my spirit man completely, all to please a man who loved himself more than me, more than our kids, even. This behavior spills over into other relationships. Before long, everyone is "having their way" with you and you are the one who is left empty, used, and alone. It's just foolishness...
That is why we are not to live our lives for others or based on their opinions of us. We are to follow the guidelines found in scripture, follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and to stay on guard. After all, when the day comes that we are to give account for our lives, we are the ones who will be held responsible. I do not want to stand before God and try to explain why it was more important to me to please someone on earth rather than my heavenly Father, my Creator who gave me life and for His Son, who gave His life for me.
"That you may walk (live and conduct yourselves) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please Him in all things..." Colossians 1:10
Today, I realized this has been a huge stumbling block for me. Many of the situations I have found myself in can be attributed to doing something I didn't really want to do because I thought someone else wanted me to or better yet, needed me to do. I have compromised my own beliefs, taken responsibility for things that were not my fault, even made untrue assessments about myself all for the pleasing of someone else. I called it being agreeable, keeping the peace. Only, I didn't have peace. How dumb is that?
Joyce Meyer writes, "IT ALL COMES DOWN TO ONE THING…Motives… Why are we doing (or not doing) something? Are we being motivated by fear, personal gain or a sense of obligation? Are we being motivated by a desire to be in control, accepted or seen? These are all the wrong reasons for doing something. Our motive for doing anything should always be because God has prompted us and we want to please Him."
While I do not believe there is anything wrong with keeping the peace, to an extent, I do think there are times that it is imperative that we swim upstream. Sometimes, we must go against the flow and take a stand. Sometimes, that can very well be a matter of safety, the difference between life or death. I almost lost my life in my marriage. I would participate in things that I didn't even like to be pleasing to my husband. He once said to me, "I will not have a wife who doesn't drink." He later recanted when I almost jumped out of a moving vehicle because I was so intoxicated. A retraction that came too little, too late. I was expected to look a certain way, act a certain way, and was made to feel like I had severe mental problems when I couldn't keep up the standard. I was often ushered to the psychiatrist's office if I even tried to express my feelings. I was told that I was just a little blue...I learned to keep my mouth shut. Of course, that only worked when I was sober. It all came out in an explosive and humiliating manner once the booze kicked in. This is comical, but soooo true:
Dear Dignity,(borrowed from a fb friend)
Yea, sorry about that.
Sincerely, Alcohol
The point is, I nearly lost my natural life in a couple of incidents, nearly obliterated my spirit man completely, all to please a man who loved himself more than me, more than our kids, even. This behavior spills over into other relationships. Before long, everyone is "having their way" with you and you are the one who is left empty, used, and alone. It's just foolishness...
That is why we are not to live our lives for others or based on their opinions of us. We are to follow the guidelines found in scripture, follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit, and to stay on guard. After all, when the day comes that we are to give account for our lives, we are the ones who will be held responsible. I do not want to stand before God and try to explain why it was more important to me to please someone on earth rather than my heavenly Father, my Creator who gave me life and for His Son, who gave His life for me.
"That you may walk (live and conduct yourselves) in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him and desiring to please Him in all things..." Colossians 1:10
I admire your strength! On a side note I should know better than to read your blog with mascara on! Love ya!
ReplyDeleteI love you, too, Deb. You, too, have made tremendous strides in your journey. Keep walking, Girl. :)
ReplyDeleteI, too, have lived most of my life like that. Since I've met my wife, she's helped alot with that and so has God. I'm grateful for her and my fathers love. I've never read your blog before but it's really good and inspiring.
ReplyDeleteJames Alewine
God is so gracious and merciful. Oh how He loves us! Thanks for reading and I am so excited to see you've decided to "follow" the blog! You've made my heart super-happy! :D
ReplyDelete