The Journey

Photo by Priscila Du Preez Over the summer, I began the tedious process of reviewing blogs I had previously written and putting them into a personal collection. As I read, I was delighted in the transformation of my writing over the years. It was a hot mess in the beginning to say the least. Oh, my goodness the grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors were enough to make me blush! Yet, God blessed anyway! Some of the blogs encouraged and  ministered to  me from the pulpit of past experiences and deliverances. Other blogs quite frankly embarrassed me. I removed them because the arrogance of my faith was a stench even to me.  Since beginning this project, I have been thinking a lot about the personality of Jesus. God in the flesh walking amongst His creation who undoubtedly told Him things He already knew or knew to be false. Imagine communing with that one "friend" that you knew would ultimately betray you. Yet, He was a teacher walking in oneness with God Almighty le...

Written by: Carlisle Bilbo There have been several deaths in our family in recent years. Each time I hear of s o meone's pa ssing I cannot help but think of the finality of life ended. What is done is done. There  are no do-overs. Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes that "sorrow is better than laughter because s ober reflection  is good for the heart."  In these times of reflection, the Bible offers so much insight into the divine nature of God and into the very human nature of people. Reg retting wasted years, I have been thinking quite a bit about  God's plan for my life, but in looking back over those years, I can see God's guidance, protection, and His prov ision. The rain brought growth and the days of sunshine enabled me to stand tall. The years of drought and of plenty taught me stability and the importance of "being content in whatever state I am in." (Philippians 4:11) I see the missteps, too. For a long time, I have felt like much of the heartache I ...

My family and I have just returned from a fabulous vacation in North Carolina to visit family topped off with an escape to the beach for some much-needed fun in the sun! We began the trip hiking in the mountains and ended with the sun and surf on the coast. It was glorious although this trip, as do all our trips it seems, had some bumps. I jokingly told my in-laws on the car ride up that our road trips always seem to bring us closer to Jesus! I did not know that was truly a prophetic statement for this vacation adventure. We had some minor car troubles with an overnight trip to the garage for the Dodge, my hubby lost his wallet for a very stressful ten minutes before remembering where he hid it for safekeeping, and on our first full day at the beach, I encountered a bit of trouble, to say the least.  The Friday before the 4th of July was just gorgeous at Kure Beach! The sun was gleaming on the refreshingly cool ocean water as the pelicans and seagulls soared over us chattering...

How long will you slumber?  The whispered words from Heaven sent a jolt through my spirit as a blaring alarm clock in the early hours of the morning. I sat bolt upright in my bed feeling a divine transformation taking place in the very depths of my being.  It's time to get up! There is work to do. I cannot tell you how many times in the past few months I have absolutely whined about  everything . In part because I have been suspended in the mire of complacency, living an unimpressive life wandering about in an uninspiring, unproductive, lackadaisical spiritual walk.  Feeling  trapped in circumstances out of my control while being rocked by the waves of indecision and doubt and self-degradation, I had been lulled to sleep. I was not trapped. I was stalled. Body, mind, and spirit. Paused. I cannot tell you how many times in the past few months I have absolutely whined about  everything . In part because I have been suspended in the mire of complacency...

Fight or flight has been a resounding theme of my life for many, many years. Ashamedly I admit, I usually flee. I hide from confrontation. Afraid, I cower down because I just cannot take any more blows to my heart, my mind, my self-esteem, my ego, my reputation, and so on. Well, today my friends, I say NO MORE. Today, the line is drawn in the sand. Today, I FIGHT. The only way to combat a lie is with  TRUTH. For such a small word, a lie can be a powerfully, destructive tool. For some, lies roll off their tongues as smooth as silk making it is easier to tell a lie than to speak the truth even about the most insignificant things. Those who know better, however, may feel crushed by the heaviness of conviction when they are knowingly deceitful. Let me tell you, lies have teeth that rip flesh, tear out hearts, and shred a person's reputation. Manipulation and deceit often used for selfish gain spill innocent blood. Fibs, tall tales, white lies, just kidding, fudging, are...

"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22-23     New year. New perspectives, right? Many of us spend time in self-reflection and muster determination to do things differently in the new year. A fresh start.   Full disclosure. I began this year in penitence because I have worn the heavy cloak of conviction for several weeks. During the mundane task of taking the pup out for his morning stroll, the Lord dropped a question in my spirit. "Do you believe I am God?" Obviously, I responded readily with prayers of affirmation and praise for Him as the God of my salvation! Then, this. "So why aren't you living as though you believe?"  Ouch! "I am God Almighty; walk before me faithfully and be blameless." Genesis 17:1 Have you ever thought about who God truly is? Do we know who it is we worship? Do we imagine an invisible, mystical ...

I did the oddest thing the other day leaving my house to get my girls from school. We have a little laundry room that leads out to our garage. In my hurried state, I closed the door from the living room to the laundry room on one end before opening the door that leads to the garage on the other end or at the very least turning on the light. So, I found myself standing in pitch-black darkness. My reaction was to close my eyes. Only a few steps from the light switch, I stood there with eyes closed a slight feeling of panic creeping into my gut. Then, I laughed at myself. Out loud, for real. What an odd thing to do. "I am the light of the world; he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness..." ~John 8:12   En route to the school still amused by my reaction, it occurred to me that though I closed my eyes I was still very much in darkness. Eureka! Talk about a light bulb moment! You see, I stood there in my circumstance not wanting to see that I was alone in the dark,...

"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,  and my hope is in you all day long."  Psalm 25:5 Photo by: Leighann Blackwood When I began blogging nearly eight years ago, I did not really know what it would become. Ever-changing and developing as my path took twists and U-turns and even some sideroads, The Journey has always been my story. Some take offense as if it is a mean-spirited piece about them, some get upset if conviction comes, but mostly I hope God has used my words to bring healing and hope. Coming from a path of utter destruction, I felt as I should share sometimes my most intimate thoughts and emotions as I meander my way to the Cross. So, I am being totally transparent with you all as I say that today, I am writing from a place of brokenness, uncertainty, emptiness, and heartbreak. When I feel this way, the only thing that brings comfort is God's Word and prayer, much, much prayer. My prayer for today is, "Teach Me to Love." Lo...

I hate cancer. Like a thief in the night, the emaciating disease invades the body and steals life. There is no respecter of person, body type, or age and the cancerous tentacles are far more reaching than the person it kills. Cancer destroys homes, crushes relationships, dashes dreams, and shakes rock-solid faith. Cancer proliferates, devastates, and destroys in a cruel, uncontrolled, meaningless way. This past year, cancer invaded my life. Not my body, but my life. Someone so dear to me died in his forties. Once the diagnosis came, everything stopped. Then, he was gone. So many faith-filled people prayed, begged, fasted, and jumped through all the hoops we think God wants us to so we can have our prayers answered. There were so many questions as to why God did not answer, but God did answer. The answer was no. "A time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted."  -Ecclesiastes 3:2  We know by scripture that there is a time f...

I read recently that 60 million Americans have been affected by identity theft. Sixty million. Here is some perspective. The state of California, the most populous state in the U.S., has a recorded population for 2018 of just under 40 million. Victims of identity theft have reported feelings of loss, devastation, stress, anxiety, fear, and thoughts of suicide. Now, there are 240 million Christians in the U.S. as is documented by Wikipedia. How many of the 240 million would you guess has suffered from some form of identity theft? Consider Jeremiah 1:5 which tell us before we were conceived, we already had an identity. "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." Source Unknown As I look back over my life, there is a definitive pattern of morphing from one personality into another.  Through subtle undertones or blatant criticisms, I allowed others to not only take my identity but to obliterate it. I experienced those same emotions of devastation, stress, anxiety, fear, and so...

"Anyone can be angry--that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way--that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy." -Aristotle When I think of a flared temper or anger, I always envision a volcano. In doing research for my daughter's science project last year, I read several articles about them and learned a thing or two. So much like human nature, volcanoes are reactive under pressure. They can literally blow their top!  Now, there are two main types of eruption. The type most people are familiar with is the very visual, most dramatic, fire-breathing, explosive eruption. There is also the more subtle, oozing eruption that seeps hot lava into the ocean and surrounding vegetation burning up everything in its path. Both forms of eruption are volatile and destructive much like human ire. We are made in God's image. All through the Old Testament you read of God's ange...

"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and rejoicing may end in grief." -Proverbs 14:13 Grief is a funny thing that sneaks up on you when you least expect it. There is no respect for time and place. Mourning may overtake you at work or in the middle of the grocery store. It keeps you up all night or invades your dreams. Sorrow has many faces. It is loneliness in a crowded room, unwarranted anger, a roller coaster of emotion, or apathy. Everyone is different, and everyone laments in their own way. Some find an inner drive to reinvent themselves while others drown in hopelessness and succumb to defeat. "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."  - C.S. Lewis In research for this blog, I ran across an article about a female chimpanzee whose baby died. That mama chimp carried her dead baby around for three days. One Sunday morning as I was getting ready for church, I saw a vision of myself so clearly, I began to weep. In my gri...

Source Unknown "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. Then, God said, 'Let there be light'; and there was light." Genesis 1:1-3 Creation was a six-day process that began and ended with the spoken word of God. He created the heavens and the earth, dry land and the seas, vegetation, seed-bearing plants, and trees on fruit-bearing land. He created seasons, living creatures, and man. Our Creator then rested on the seventh day, the day of fulfillment, the completion of His perfect plan. In one of my favorite passages in Genesis, the scripture depicts the scene of the "Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day." Can you picture it? The Creator walking through His very own creation in the early evening enjoying the brilliant, colorful flowers with their fragrance lingering in the air. The reg...

You asked me once why I love you so much. There are so many reasons. New ones present themselves every day. So, I know I will be unable to recount them all here, but I wanted you to know how very much I love you! My single-life journey began nearly 8 years ago and it has certainly been a long one to travel alone. I am thankful for this path because it has been one of growth and maturity, strength building and spiritual awakening, faith-building, and learning to rest in God's plan, one to toughen me up in some areas and to soften me in other areas. Along this strenuous journey, I found you. You are a sturdy man with broad shoulders and macho-man muscles big enough to carry not just one, but three girls. A beautiful man with strong hands, a tender heart, and most importantly, a love for Jesus. You make me feel safe. Your love for my girls touches the depths of my soul and that quirky sense of humor keeps me laughing all the time. When I am with you, I feel like the most be...

Photo by: Timothy Eberly Driving down the dark streets illuminated only by the occasional house covered in Christmas glow, thoughts swirling in a merciless pattern, Christian artist wailing ballads from the radio, with silent tears, emptiness enveloped me. My children chatting amongst themselves in the backseat were oblivious to the pain that was wrenching my inner being. If I can just hold it together until the innocents go to bed, then maybe I can pour out. So, mustering all my strength, I wandered through the evening busying myself with mindless tasks. Iron clothes for school, cook dinner, clean the kitchen, walk the dog. Finally, time to gather the kids, read the Bible, tuck them in after goodnight prayers. I closed the door to the quieted bedroom. My game face begins to crack as raw emotion flooded my being. Secret misgivings brought to light. Brutal honesty erupted from my mouth, "God, why would you do this to me?" Too many anti-Christ thoughts gushed out with ...

Ashley Rae Barrington, I love you. You are the epitome of a blushing bride. I've watched you these past weeks plummet through the chaos of wedding planning with ease and gracefulness. No, it didn't always feel pretty, but you delighted in the walk of promises fulfilled! Your wait, Ashley, has been validated. Your battle has been victorious. You, my love, have not only been blessed with your soul mate but also with a loving, extended family that has welcomed you and your family into the fold. I admire the tenderness and the playfulness between you and the honesty that is palpable. True love. My prayer for you both is that as you grow your little family, the honesty remains, the ascertainable trust remains unbroken, and the passionate kisses never fade. May God ever be first. I love you both so much. Forever and always, Bert Song of Solomon 8:6-7 "...For love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty f...

photo by: freestocks Ah, the Christmas season is upon us. The time of year where people are a little bit kinder, more compassionate, and even generosity peeks out from the pocket we have shoved it all year when our own needs, wants, and aspirations take priority. Alas, the holidays can also be bleak. Amidst all the festivities and throngs of people milling about the malls, grocery stores, parades, office parties, and grand church productions, loneliness creeps in and overtakes in a sneak attack. An indescribable emptiness brings consuming, tormenting thoughts that seep every ounce of joy from those things that usually bring smiles and makes everyday tasks feel insurmountable. Christmas movies have become more about falling in love and dreams coming true which only adds to the disappointment realized on January 1 when nothing magical took place for you.  This morning, thoughts collided forming something so beautiful in my mind as I heard the word...