The Journey

"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,  and my hope is in you all day long."  Psalm 25:5 Photo by: Leighann Blackwood When I began blogging nearly eight years ago, I did not really know what it would become. Ever-changing and developing as my path took twists and U-turns and even some sideroads, The Journey has always been my story. Some take offense as if it is a mean-spirited piece about them, some get upset if conviction comes, but mostly I hope God has used my words to bring healing and hope. Coming from a path of utter destruction, I felt as I should share sometimes my most intimate thoughts and emotions as I meander my way to the Cross. So, I am being totally transparent with you all as I say that today, I am writing from a place of brokenness, uncertainty, emptiness, and heartbreak. When I feel this way, the only thing that brings comfort is God's Word and prayer, much, much prayer. My prayer for today is, "Teach Me to Love." Lo...

I read recently that 60 million Americans have been affected by identity theft. Sixty million. Here is some perspective. The state of California, the most populous state in the U.S., has a recorded population for 2018 of just under 40 million. Victims of identity theft have reported feelings of loss, devastation, stress, anxiety, fear, and thoughts of suicide. Now, there are 240 million Christians in the U.S. as is documented by Wikipedia. How many of the 240 million would you guess has suffered from some form of identity theft? Consider Jeremiah 1:5 which tell us before we were conceived, we already had an identity. "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you." Source Unknown As I look back over my life, there is a definitive pattern of morphing from one personality into another.  Through subtle undertones or blatant criticisms, I allowed others to not only take my identity but to obliterate it. I experienced those same emotions of devastation, stress, anxiety, fear, and so...

"Anyone can be angry--that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way--that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy." -Aristotle When I think of a flared temper or anger, I always envision a volcano. In doing research for my daughter's science project last year, I read several articles about them and learned a thing or two. So much like human nature, volcanoes are reactive under pressure. They can literally blow their top!  Now, there are two main types of eruption. The type most people are familiar with is the very visual, most dramatic, fire-breathing, explosive eruption. There is also the more subtle, oozing eruption that seeps hot lava into the ocean and surrounding vegetation burning up everything in its path. Both forms of eruption are volatile and destructive much like human ire. We are made in God's image. All through the Old Testament you read of God's ange...

If you had to choose one word to describe yourself, what would it be? Only a few months ago, my word would have been gray. The same word used to describe ashes or overcast skies. I woke up with the new year realizing I had taken up residence in a perpetual state of nothingness. Merely existing. Barely walking, barely talking, barely breathing, no identity. I was melting into the gray walls of life.  Going through the motions, but dying from the inside out. Two failed marriages and a brief, yet destructive relationship later, my prayer was to not become entangled in another relationship, romantic or otherwise, that was not a divine connection. I prayed,  do not let anyone cross my path lest you send them.  For years, it seemed as though that prayer had been answered until I found myself at the end of another it-wasn't-what-it-seemed and how-could-I-be-so-blind misadventure. The shiny apple with a rotten core. This time instead of shouldering all ...

Photo by Ales Me A heavy blanket of despair was draped upon my shoulders, but it provided no warmth or security. I was blindly stumbling through thick darkness searching for any glimmer of light in this circumstance. The force of the proverbial rug being snatched out from under me took my breath while deception loomed eerily around me. Every hair on my body stood to attention with the realization that nothing was what it appeared to be. Scouring for something tangible I grasped for anything to cling to because at that moment the One who was my only hope of survival seemed a million miles away. The God of all creation had turned His back, lifted His warm covering, and withheld His protection. I was wearied with unfulfilled promises, shattered dreams, unending devastation, and the relentless struggle to break free. I shared on my personal Facebook page how this has been one of the hardest years of my life. I have survived more trauma and much more tragedy in former years. Howe...

Photo by James Healy Fear is likely the most debilitating emotion one can experience. The distressing panic can creep into every part of our lives rendering us powerless, dominated, and controlled by fear. Fear of hurt, fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of exposure, fear of lack, fear of regret, fear of failure. Our perceived inadequacies partner up with this demonic tool to keep us idle, sedentary, and silent. My prayers of late have sounded more like a timid child than a mighty warrior. Lord, I am afraid. Then, I ran across this scripture the other day and it has taken root deep in my soul. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (NIV) I reread that first sentence a couple of times. These words would typically be comforting, warm, and fuzzy; however, I felt a charge in my spirit. A reprimand if you will. There have been times a stern word was r...

Photo by Vadym “The porcupine, whom one must handle gloved, may be respected, but never loved.”               ~Arthur Guiterman Those who know me, even those who have followed my blogs, know I have struggled in relationships. Though it is true, many of the hellacious, short-lived relationships were the result of simply picking the wrong people--whether romantic relationships, friendships, even mentors. For this reason, it is particularly important to pray about every aspect of your life, not just "the big things." In all actuality, the simplest details overlooked can thrust you into the most difficult and most painful situations from which to extricate yourself. Often, this is where we experience being blind-sided. Through these tumultuous times, as we all do, I have developed a defense mechanism that I only discovered in the past few weeks. In my prayer time, a revelation came to me so clearly, I may as well ha...

"Brittni, Brittni, look at me. Brittni, open your eyes. Open your eyes. Stay with me." Dim lights appear overhead as I am being moved through some kind of a corridor. I hear muffled voices and people are moving fast all around me. Who is calling my name? Where are they taking me? I feel so tired. I cannot keep my eyes open.  "Brittni, Brittni, Bri..." Christmas Eve is not at all magical when your home is turned into a secondary site for a terribly busy, very disorganized, and extremely tumultuous catering business. I used to tell my ex-husband the name of the business should be Chaos Catering. He laughed, but secretly agreed. This was not the first Christmas Eve I had to endure the turbulent scurrying of servers, bartenders, and chefs. Food flying on meticulously decorated fine silver platters, wine glasses hurriedly loaded into crates for transport, more food flying...and language that would make a sailor blush. (Sometimes, that was me. Ha!) This year was more d...