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| Photo by Vadym |
~Arthur Guiterman
Those who know me, even those who have followed my blogs, know I have struggled in relationships. Though it is true, many of the hellacious, short-lived relationships were the result of simply picking the wrong people--whether romantic relationships, friendships, even mentors. For this reason, it is particularly important to pray about every aspect of your life, not just "the big things." In all actuality, the simplest details overlooked can thrust you into the most difficult and most painful situations from which to extricate yourself. Often, this is where we experience being blind-sided.
Through these tumultuous times, as we all do, I have developed a defense mechanism that I only discovered in the past few weeks. In my prayer time, a revelation came to me so clearly, I may as well have been hit by a lightning bolt! Have mercy, I am a porcupine!
I began to meticulously comb through the details of past relationships and came to the realization that even some of my closest friendships were unhealthy. Some were friendships only available to me if there was nothing better going on for them. Friendship by default. One, in particular, was built of nothing more than deception, manipulation, and downright control. The loss was devastating because I had become almost religiously dependent on that person for nearly every aspect of my life. This is not pleasing to our Savior and He mercifully severed that relationship bluntly. The end. Game over.
Because of these contaminating connections, I have in turn unknowingly judged true, God-inspired relationships unfairly. Not too long ago, I began to feel a bit insecure in my relationship with my absolute best friend for no reason that I could pinpoint. Instinctively the quills came up to cover this timid creature and to keep her, the one who truly knows me and loves me anyway, at arm's length. I began distancing myself to avoid the inevitable hurt of another severed relationship. Thankfully, we were both praying about the matter. Again, God, in His infinite mercy, revealed my insecurity before I lost someone so close to my heart. Imagine, if we had both been porcupines at the same time. We just might have needled each other to death!
In my research, I discovered the porcupine is a good swimmer because the quills keep it afloat. To me, this attribute is symbolic of how our defenses do the same for us. Survival mode. Unfortunately, we can be crippled by these defenses as well. Applying the "leave before you are left" rule, I nearly sabotaged a relationship that is especially important to me because of fear. This may all seem benign to you, the reader, but let me take you to a deeper level.
During this revelation, I began to see that what I had experienced with my natural relationship, I was also experiencing simultaneously in my spiritual relationship by minimizing God to a human level. Currently, I am in one of the hardest, driest places I have been in for quite some time. At the moment, life makes no sense to me. Like the porcupine, the quills have gone up and I have hidden underneath them. I have lashed out at God, the perceived threat. You [God] are the one letting this happen to me. You are the only one who can change it and You are not listening to me!
Then, in that loving, gentle way so characteristic of my Father, my Creator comforts me with this scripture found in Numbers 23:19, "God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should change His mind. Does He speak and then not act? Does He promise and not fulfill?" Assuredly, not! I feel my quills soften as I turn my soft underbelly toward Him with full exposure and say, "God, no matter what it looks like, no matter what it feels like, I trust You. You are my Rock, my Fortress, my Strong Tower. There is none like You."
Scripture tells us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. He never disappoints. He never fails.
Psalm 145:13b - 14 "...The Lord is trustworthy in all He promises and faithful in all He does. The Lord upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down."
This is so good!
ReplyDeleteThis a great!
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about this as I watched my cat on the deck as our resident racoon came up to beg a bite to eat.The cat was so anoyed that the racoon was there for food yet he was already full . We have not ever given the racoon a reason to fear us but as long as the cat was there the racoon would not come close as if to say I don't trust you as long as this other threat is there. Weather perceived or real. Never put imperfect people in to high a place in your heart remember they are human. Your feelings and past may have made you sensitive to pain but you can still be loved and most assuredly by God who has watched you every day and Loved you anyway.
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