The Journey

Photo by Ruan Richard shatter   / ˈSHadər / v.  cause to break suddenly and violently into pieces; explode to damage, as by breaking or crushing to be broken into fragments The sound of a glass breaking is distinct and unmistakable. Without seeing the event or understanding the circumstances surrounding the event, you instantly know the result. Broken glass. Once shattered, the damage sustained is irreparable. Collecting all the tiny shards is impossible. The fragmented glass may once again take shape w hen the big pieces are bonded together , but there will be holes and leaks and fractures forevermore. There will always be brokenness.  When the heart breaks, pain emanates from the point of impact throughout the body, mind, and spirit. The once whole person is shattered into a million pieces in a single, life-altering moment. The inward aches while the outward shell goes numb. Breath is painful. Words will not come; s eclusion feels safe.  The human spirit is crushed...

When writing, I have always been brutally honest because truth and light are our most powerful tools to combat deception and darkness. With all that we experience in life and all we overcome; our testimony is the fruit of our labor. So, it seems funny to me that I feel a little shy about sharing this experience so much so that it has taken me weeks to sit down and write it out. The most heartbreak, the biggest disappointments, the greatest anxieties, the worst betrayals, the utmost shame have all been the outcome of taking my destiny into my own hands.  This is my life and I am going to live it how I want to!  And each time, I imagine all of Heaven stepped back and said, "Okay, let us know how that works out for you." And each time, through tears and brokenness, I would crawl back into my Father's presence longing for His lovingkindness. Relinquishing all control, a life of peace would abound until the next time I thought I knew more than He did. Over and over and over....

"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed because His compassions fail not.  They are new every morning; Great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22-23     New year. New perspectives, right? Many of us spend time in self-reflection and muster determination to do things differently in the new year. A fresh start.   Full disclosure. I began this year in penitence because I have worn the heavy cloak of conviction for several weeks. During the mundane task of taking the pup out for his morning stroll, the Lord dropped a question in my spirit. "Do you believe I am God?" Obviously, I responded readily with prayers of affirmation and praise for Him as the God of my salvation! Then, this. "So why aren't you living as though you believe?"  Ouch! "I am God Almighty; walk before me faithfully and be blameless." Genesis 17:1 Have you ever thought about who God truly is? Do we know who it is we worship? Do we imagine an invisible, mystical ...

"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior,  and my hope is in you all day long."  Psalm 25:5 Photo by: Leighann Blackwood When I began blogging nearly eight years ago, I did not really know what it would become. Ever-changing and developing as my path took twists and U-turns and even some sideroads, The Journey has always been my story. Some take offense as if it is a mean-spirited piece about them, some get upset if conviction comes, but mostly I hope God has used my words to bring healing and hope. Coming from a path of utter destruction, I felt as I should share sometimes my most intimate thoughts and emotions as I meander my way to the Cross. So, I am being totally transparent with you all as I say that today, I am writing from a place of brokenness, uncertainty, emptiness, and heartbreak. When I feel this way, the only thing that brings comfort is God's Word and prayer, much, much prayer. My prayer for today is, "Teach Me to Love." Lo...

You asked me once why I love you so much. There are so many reasons. New ones present themselves every day. So, I know I will be unable to recount them all here, but I wanted you to know how very much I love you! My single-life journey began nearly 8 years ago and it has certainly been a long one to travel alone. I am thankful for this path because it has been one of growth and maturity, strength building and spiritual awakening, faith-building, and learning to rest in God's plan, one to toughen me up in some areas and to soften me in other areas. Along this strenuous journey, I found you. You are a sturdy man with broad shoulders and macho-man muscles big enough to carry not just one, but three girls. A beautiful man with strong hands, a tender heart, and most importantly, a love for Jesus. You make me feel safe. Your love for my girls touches the depths of my soul and that quirky sense of humor keeps me laughing all the time. When I am with you, I feel like the most be...

Ashley Rae Barrington, I love you. You are the epitome of a blushing bride. I've watched you these past weeks plummet through the chaos of wedding planning with ease and gracefulness. No, it didn't always feel pretty, but you delighted in the walk of promises fulfilled! Your wait, Ashley, has been validated. Your battle has been victorious. You, my love, have not only been blessed with your soul mate but also with a loving, extended family that has welcomed you and your family into the fold. I admire the tenderness and the playfulness between you and the honesty that is palpable. True love. My prayer for you both is that as you grow your little family, the honesty remains, the ascertainable trust remains unbroken, and the passionate kisses never fade. May God ever be first. I love you both so much. Forever and always, Bert Song of Solomon 8:6-7 "...For love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty f...

photo by: freestocks Ah, the Christmas season is upon us. The time of year where people are a little bit kinder, more compassionate, and even generosity peeks out from the pocket we have shoved it all year when our own needs, wants, and aspirations take priority. Alas, the holidays can also be bleak. Amidst all the festivities and throngs of people milling about the malls, grocery stores, parades, office parties, and grand church productions, loneliness creeps in and overtakes in a sneak attack. An indescribable emptiness brings consuming, tormenting thoughts that seep every ounce of joy from those things that usually bring smiles and makes everyday tasks feel insurmountable. Christmas movies have become more about falling in love and dreams coming true which only adds to the disappointment realized on January 1 when nothing magical took place for you.  This morning, thoughts collided forming something so beautiful in my mind as I heard the word...

Photo by: Mark Basarab Have you ever wondered what makes you, well, you? What inspires laughter and what induces tears? How can something so trivial cut so deep or how such a minuscule gesture can warm your very soul? What makes your whole day bright and what can make for a stormy week? Those things that make your blood boil versus the action or person that can set you perfectly at ease? What makes you strong? What makes you weak? What gives you security rather than anxiety or confidence rather than inferiority?  I have questioned many of these emotions as the past few months have felt like a spiritual pruning, a stripping away. During the process, emotional and spiritual layers have been peeled back to reveal a person I do not like. A person I do not want to see. A person that I had hoped no longer existed. My heart doors slammed shut as fast as a security gate at the threat of a robbery and closed with a seal as tight as that of a bank vault door. ...

Photo by: Tyler Nix When trudging through difficult situations, I find myself searching through scriptures for some sort of comfort. Something to ease the pain or to bring peace or even to confirm I am right and the whole world is wrong, I am searching for validation. Grasping, really. Anything that will quiet the storm brewing in my mind and the whirlwind of my emotions. One passage always brings easement no matter the battle. Hebrews 4:15-16 (NIV) states, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way just as we are--yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Did you know we have a sympathetic Savior? Typically, this passage is preached to encourage us in our struggles with temptation, assuage condemnation, and to open the altars for repentance. While that is certainl...

I miss you so much. On my drive home today, I was thinking about you and all the things I have missed about you in your absence. Though losing you would have been devastating to me as a young child, I find losing you as an adult was crippling. The reason? There are many. You made me laugh all the time and you were the voice of reason when I could not make sense of things. I could never get too far out of line or forget my place without spurring the hand of correction into action. Thanks for that. You were my provider. We may not have had the best of everything, but we had everything we needed. As protector and defender, you were my knight in shining armor shielding me from things that I probably never knew about. Locking up the house at night once we all went to sleep was probably a small, mundane task for you. For your little girl, it was security. There was no fear of intruders; you were on guard. Most importantly, you loved me. Never once did I doubt that. My heavenly Fa...

Photo by Jude Beck The most over-used, tired phrase in the history of the human species is "I love you." Now, some may argue the opposite; people do not truly know how much they are loved. I believe people do not trust those three words because the words no longer carry the weight they were intended to from the very beginning of creation. The banal words are often used to manipulate, control, seduce, entice, deceive, replace an apology, or even to fill an awkward silence or uncomfortable moment. We paste on a fake smile and spew falsities while wielding a sword of betrayal for our own hidden agendas.  We say, "I love you," to appear to be the better person rising above the situation all the while conspiring a subtle, yet cruel retaliation. This morning, I decided to go straight to the love chapter in the book that guides us through the whys and the hows of this life--God's love letter to us--to examine my own heart. Can I honestly say, "I love you?" ...

Ah ,   F e b ruary.  T he month of candied-hearts, chocolate kis ses, and Pepto-Bismol pin k splattered  EVERYWHERE ! Lovey-dovey, ooey-gooey, undying love sentiments plastered on te levision commercials, retail store ads, and Facebook pages. We won't even ta l k abou t the Hallmark Cha nnel! There is almost no escape for an entire month...well, really two months because all  the insanity begins before you can take your Christmas decorations down. From a single gal's perspective, this is truly maddening. As a s ociety, we are constantly categorized by financial status, educational background, occupation, parental status, friend, or foe. Unfortunately, our marital status is one of the top classifications that span across many other areas of life such as taxes, gym m embership, school forms, church groups, and so on... Suddenly, you find yourself labeled, yet again. From a single mother's perspective, this is even more maddening. You just want to yell, "I AM SO MUCH ...

Photo by Jamez Picard Love is a complex and peculiar thing with a wide swinging pendulum of extremes ranging from c alming stability to heightened  craziness and out-of-control emotions. You may experience anger and devastation or more peace and happiness than you ever imagined. Love is profound and soothing, or nothing more than a trite, warmed-over word. I never realized how much love can bring healing and hurt at the very same time until I walked an extremely difficult, seemingly unending journey. Truly, love is an oxymoron. Of late, I have struggled with some things I could not understand and found myself being critical, judgmental, and jumping to cruel and inaccurate conclusions. The realization that love really does cover a multitude of sins hits me like the proverbial ton of bricks as an experience I had a few years ago forges its way to the forefront of my mind. Every time I recount this encounter with my Savior, I feel true love squeeze my heart in the way only He can. ...

Photo by Jude Beck "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 My life is evidence of this Biblical passage. Every choice, every decision, every path can be traced back to the place where I was in life at that defining moment. The point of origin reveals where my heart was, what my priorities were at the time, the utter darkness of where I stood. Truly blind; I could not see. Chasing dreams, desires, unrealistic goals, and unattainable joy by unthinkable means, I was a ship without a captain sailing into uncharted, unsafe waters. No direction, no lifeline, no lighthouse. Unnecessary detriment because my heart was led astray by meaningless ventures and pursuits of things that could not satisfy the void that I was running from all the while running headlong into gross darkness. Much like running as fast as you can forward while looking behind you and ultimately slamming into a wall you should have seen if only you had been looking in...