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"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23
My life is evidence of this Biblical passage. Every choice, every decision, every path can be traced back to the place where I was in life at that defining moment. The point of origin reveals where my heart was, what my priorities were at the time, the utter darkness of where I stood. Truly blind; I could not see. Chasing dreams, desires, unrealistic goals, and unattainable joy by unthinkable means, I was a ship without a captain sailing into uncharted, unsafe waters. No direction, no lifeline, no lighthouse. Unnecessary detriment because my heart was led astray by meaningless ventures and pursuits of things that could not satisfy the void that I was running from all the while running headlong into gross darkness. Much like running as fast as you can forward while looking behind you and ultimately slamming into a wall you should have seen if only you had been looking in the right direction, there I was--the victim of my own choices.
Matthew 6:21 tells us that "wherever your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Another translation states more specifically, "...there the desires of your heart will also be." So, if your stake is in how much money you have, what size you wear, obtaining the approval of others, where you work, where you live or what you drive, those things will be the desires of your heart and you will find everything else in life is secondary to that goal. If you are not careful, you will sell your joy, peace, contentment, and quite possibly your integrity. Will you even sell your soul?
So often I hear the words, "follow your heart" or "let your heart lead you." We know from Jeremiah 17:9, "the heart is deceitful above all things." How then, can we trust it? I am not saying it is wrong to want things in life. We are promised that our Father will not withhold any good thing from us. He also will not give us things that will ultimately destroy us, destroy those around us, or cause us to miss the very things He has for us. We find ourselves in such terrible places when trying to pursue those things we believe will make us happier or accepted or even envied.
I have walked some extremely hard roads in pursuit of love, acceptance, approval, and success just to name a few. I wanted peace and "just to be happy." I had tried it the way the Church said I should. I had tried it "God's way." So, I decided I was going to make my own destiny--do things my way. How foolish! So many years wasted... In the end, I came back, laying down my will, and running to a most merciful Savior who calmed the waters, made straight my path, and continues to lead me in His will, in His light.
Now, in humble circumstances, I realize all those things I thought I needed, I did not. I have learned to live on much less. I am learning what others think really does not determine my course unless I allow it to. I have learned the fastest way is not always the best way. Most importantly, I have learned God is faithful. He is merciful and His plan does prevail!
Recently, I read these moving words of Hezekiah and my heart was stirred. He said, "Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back. (Isaiah 38:17) Everything in this long journey has brought me back to my One True Love--The One who can be trusted with my heart, with my desires, with my dreams. He has repaired a heart that was beyond repair. A heart's faint beating now made strong with new life and new purpose and new hope. That heart, my heart, made new. My course righted, my steps ordered, my path straight.
I leave you with the words of Paul and I share in his prayer for you.
"And I pray that you...may have power...to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19
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