The Journey

Fight or flight has been a resounding theme of my life for many, many years. Ashamedly I admit, I usually flee. I hide from confrontation. Afraid, I cower down because I just cannot take any more blows to my heart, my mind, my self-esteem, my ego, my reputation, and so on. Well, today my friends, I say NO MORE. Today, the line is drawn in the sand. Today, I FIGHT. The only way to combat a lie is with  TRUTH. For such a small word, a lie can be a powerfully, destructive tool. For some, lies roll off their tongues as smooth as silk making it is easier to tell a lie than to speak the truth even about the most insignificant things. Those who know better, however, may feel crushed by the heaviness of conviction when they are knowingly deceitful. Let me tell you, lies have teeth that rip flesh, tear out hearts, and shred a person's reputation. Manipulation and deceit often used for selfish gain spill innocent blood. Fibs, tall tales, white lies, just kidding, fudging, are...

photo by: freestocks Ah, the Christmas season is upon us. The time of year where people are a little bit kinder, more compassionate, and even generosity peeks out from the pocket we have shoved it all year when our own needs, wants, and aspirations take priority. Alas, the holidays can also be bleak. Amidst all the festivities and throngs of people milling about the malls, grocery stores, parades, office parties, and grand church productions, loneliness creeps in and overtakes in a sneak attack. An indescribable emptiness brings consuming, tormenting thoughts that seep every ounce of joy from those things that usually bring smiles and makes everyday tasks feel insurmountable. Christmas movies have become more about falling in love and dreams coming true which only adds to the disappointment realized on January 1 when nothing magical took place for you.  This morning, thoughts collided forming something so beautiful in my mind as I heard the word...

Photo by: Mark Basarab Have you ever wondered what makes you, well, you? What inspires laughter and what induces tears? How can something so trivial cut so deep or how such a minuscule gesture can warm your very soul? What makes your whole day bright and what can make for a stormy week? Those things that make your blood boil versus the action or person that can set you perfectly at ease? What makes you strong? What makes you weak? What gives you security rather than anxiety or confidence rather than inferiority?  I have questioned many of these emotions as the past few months have felt like a spiritual pruning, a stripping away. During the process, emotional and spiritual layers have been peeled back to reveal a person I do not like. A person I do not want to see. A person that I had hoped no longer existed. My heart doors slammed shut as fast as a security gate at the threat of a robbery and closed with a seal as tight as that of a bank vault door. ...

I miss you so much. On my drive home today, I was thinking about you and all the things I have missed about you in your absence. Though losing you would have been devastating to me as a young child, I find losing you as an adult was crippling. The reason? There are many. You made me laugh all the time and you were the voice of reason when I could not make sense of things. I could never get too far out of line or forget my place without spurring the hand of correction into action. Thanks for that. You were my provider. We may not have had the best of everything, but we had everything we needed. As protector and defender, you were my knight in shining armor shielding me from things that I probably never knew about. Locking up the house at night once we all went to sleep was probably a small, mundane task for you. For your little girl, it was security. There was no fear of intruders; you were on guard. Most importantly, you loved me. Never once did I doubt that. My heavenly Fa...

Ah ,   F e b ruary.  T he month of candied-hearts, chocolate kis ses, and Pepto-Bismol pin k splattered  EVERYWHERE ! Lovey-dovey, ooey-gooey, undying love sentiments plastered on te levision commercials, retail store ads, and Facebook pages. We won't even ta l k abou t the Hallmark Cha nnel! There is almost no escape for an entire month...well, really two months because all  the insanity begins before you can take your Christmas decorations down. From a single gal's perspective, this is truly maddening. As a s ociety, we are constantly categorized by financial status, educational background, occupation, parental status, friend, or foe. Unfortunately, our marital status is one of the top classifications that span across many other areas of life such as taxes, gym m embership, school forms, church groups, and so on... Suddenly, you find yourself labeled, yet again. From a single mother's perspective, this is even more maddening. You just want to yell, "I AM SO MUCH ...

Photo by Ben White I believe one of the most daunting things in my Christian journey is the art of being real, not with others, but with myself and with my Creator. This morning, a remarkably simple scripture sprung from the page and threw darts at my unsuspecting heart. Genesis 2:25 speaks of the time immediately following Eve's entrance into the Garden of Eden. It is written, "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame." Wow! Many times, I have felt completely exposed in the presence of my King, but very few are the times I felt unashamed. Usually, I just want to run for cover as Adam and Eve did and hide behind the cloak of denial and feigned ignorance. Not wanting to admit difficulty with those besetting sins that continue to trip us up--gluttony, anorexia, jealousy, inadequacy, rejection, pride, insecurity, arrogance, vanity, alcoholism, drug abuse, or even standing in judgment of those who clearly do not have it all together, not by our standard...

Photo by Casey Horner Every morning on our way to school, the girls and I take advantage of the time to pray. Our morning prayers differ somewhat from bedtime prayers in that we are preparing for the day ahead of us. Scripture tells us our steps are ordered by God. So, I like to start each day with our hearts and minds open to His instruction so we may hear Him as He gently guides us throughout the day. The long days are not as daunting when you know God is with you every step of the way and that his favor and protection go with you wherever you go. Lately, the resounding phrase "to be a light shining in the darkness" has taken up residence in my mind and has stirred my heart so much so that we are sure to pray that over our lives before ending our prayers. On the way to school this morning, I was reminded of the very first words of the Bible in Genesis 1:1-4. I learned to recite these verses in the King James version when I was a young child. The passage reads: "In t...

Photo by Kent Pilcher Over the past few months, I have been battling my way through some of those "fiery trials" the Bible speaks of...the past 6 years, really, but there have been seasons of reprieve. Lately, the battle has been to test my faith. Things I never wanted to happen, did happen. Things I prayed would never be an issue, were suddenly an issue. Things I thought I had surely overcome by now were rearing their ugly heads, and things I never knew were in my heart spewed out of my mouth! God, where are You? In a world fraught with lies and dishonesty, a man's word has lost its value. A handshake is merely a means to solidify a deception. We have become a nation that has to see to believe. Show me; only then will I believe you. Unfortunately, our reliance on God has been tainted by our inability to trust mankind. We compare Him to a once godly society that has gone awry. In John 20:29, Jesus told Thomas (aka doubting Thomas), "...because you have seen me, yo...

Photo by: Jude Beck When it comes to relationships, the struggle has been real for most of my life. Blindly walking into trap after trap after trap of deception and lies, damaging and painful patterns have thrust me into long periods of utter brokenness because I was not careful or even selective with whom I shared my heart. I could always find something good in that person. I could see their potential and I was going to be the one who would help them tap into that greatness. The innermost cry for love, affection, and acceptance muffled the voice of wisdom screaming in my ears. The result was a ravaged, tattered heart lost in fathomless depths of loneliness and despair and a cavernous, hollow soul. These are not only romantic relationships to which I refer. "Friends" who wanted to spend time with me when there was no one else available or "friends" who could not understand why I was such a weakling or “friends” who found subtle ways to point out my lowly status so ...

Photo by: Gabby Orcutt One evening while preparing a bath for my little sweeties, the younger hoping to avoid tub time altogether said, "Mama, I'm not dirty. We didn't even go outside today." A cursory glance from the side of the tub revealed no dirt in her hair or on her face. Hands and fingernails appeared clean. Oh, but when the boots came off! I am quite sure the stench reached Heaven's Gates. At that moment, an image flashed into my mind. In Biblical times, it was customary to wash the dust off the feet because the people wore sandals instead of shoes like we have today and they usually went barefoot in their homes. Feet washing was usually done before meals, but in John Chapter 13, Jesus washed his disciples' feet after the Passover Feast. Remember the Passover was observed to recount the story of Moses and the exodus from Egypt. God spared or passed over the houses that were marked with the blood of the sacrificial lamb. By now you would think the disc...

Photo by Jude Beck "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Proverbs 4:23 My life is evidence of this Biblical passage. Every choice, every decision, every path can be traced back to the place where I was in life at that defining moment. The point of origin reveals where my heart was, what my priorities were at the time, the utter darkness of where I stood. Truly blind; I could not see. Chasing dreams, desires, unrealistic goals, and unattainable joy by unthinkable means, I was a ship without a captain sailing into uncharted, unsafe waters. No direction, no lifeline, no lighthouse. Unnecessary detriment because my heart was led astray by meaningless ventures and pursuits of things that could not satisfy the void that I was running from all the while running headlong into gross darkness. Much like running as fast as you can forward while looking behind you and ultimately slamming into a wall you should have seen if only you had been looking in...

Photo by Heidi Fin For some time now, I have wanted to share my journey, but I did not have a forum in which to share it. After reading a friend's blog tonight, I became inspired!  The reason I want to tell my story is that I have found myself surrounded by many people, young and old alike, who are making some of the same mistakes I made. I want to scream, "Stop right there! Do not make a move!" I know that seems a bit silly, and well, dramatic. Having spent my entire childhood and early adult years practically living in the church, I know most, if not all, the excuses used to justify bad behavior while praying for mercy and expecting God to clean up the mess. God is merciful; He does often give us multiple opportunities to get it together. However, the U-turns and the long road back can be downright, literal hell. I have heard it said that "when you have walked twelve miles into the woods, even though you have turned around and headed out, you will still have twel...