The Naked Truth: What are you hiding?

When writing, I have always been brutally honest because truth and light are our most powerful tools to combat deception and darkness. With all that we experience in life and all we overcome; our testimony is the fruit of our labor. So, it seems funny to me that I feel a little shy about sharing this experience so much so that it has taken me weeks to sit down and write it out.

The most heartbreak, the biggest disappointments, the greatest anxieties, the worst betrayals, the utmost shame have all been the outcome of taking my destiny into my own hands. This is my life and I am going to live it how I want to! And each time, I imagine all of Heaven stepped back and said, "Okay, let us know how that works out for you." And each time, through tears and brokenness, I would crawl back into my Father's presence longing for His lovingkindness. Relinquishing all control, a life of peace would abound until the next time I thought I knew more than He did. Over and over and over. Run. Fall. Get hurt. Get up. Repeat. Each time losing a piece of myself. The cost was great, and the return was often unbearable.

Finally, I reached a point in my life that I was tired of striving for the coveted outcomes. While the Heavens were surely rejoicing, my breakthrough was not a Hollywood made-for-TV moment. At first, acknowledging my frailty was not even a somber moment of humility. Anger, frustration, and even dare I say bitterness were some of my truest emotions often questioning why I could not have what seem to come so easily to other people. I gave up. 

"I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.

John 15:5

Oh, glorious day! The breakthrough was the acknowledgment that I can do nothing on my own. The realization that I do not have to do anything on my own is my freedom! You do not have to either. You do not have to bear the responsibility on your own. You do not have to endure hardships on your own. You do not have to make decisions on your own. We have all become so determined to be independent that we have missed the luxury of being dependent on Jesus for everything. Love, joy, peace, contentment, security, prosperity, self-worth are all the things found only in Christ. What does it cost us? Nothing. It costs us nothing and the return is priceless. We know this, but do we believe this?

A few weeks ago, I found myself in my bathroom applying makeup, smiling, singing completely naked. TMI, right? Well, you see, for more years than I can count, I have never felt comfortable enough with myself to be uncovered for any length of time even when I was alone. Here I was in the buff belting out worship songs. Now that was a glorious moment! Finally, I was okay with me. Flaws, shortcomings, scars, and all. Completely exposed before my Maker and I did not shrink away or hide from Him.

Why is any of this important? 

For every wrongdoer hates the Light and does not come to the Light [but shrinks from it] for fear that his [sinful, worthless] activities will be exposed and condemned.

John 3:20

There were times I would avoid praying because I was too ashamed to enter the presence of the King. I felt unworthy to worship or to just sit at His feet even though I knew I desperately needed Him. That, my friends, is how the enemy tricks you into that slow fade. You wake up one morning far from your Creator wondering how you drifted so far away without realizing it. 

Every single day, I need grace and mercy and every morning I find Jesus is still right there loving on me with all my flaws, scars, and shortcomings. I do not have to hide them from Him for His blood covers me. His perfect love casts out all fear! (1 John 4:18) 

I can come boldly into His presence! Hallelujah!

Hebrews 4:16, "Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."