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Out of the Ashes

Photo by Ales Me

A heavy blanket of despair was draped upon my shoulders, but it provided no warmth or security. I was blindly stumbling through thick darkness searching for any glimmer of light in this circumstance. The force of the proverbial rug being snatched out from under me took my breath while deception loomed eerily around me. Every hair on my body stood to attention with the realization that nothing was what it appeared to be. Scouring for something tangible I grasped for anything to cling to because at that moment the One who was my only hope of survival seemed a million miles away. The God of all creation had turned His back, lifted His warm covering, and withheld His protection. I was wearied with unfulfilled promises, shattered dreams, unending devastation, and the relentless struggle to break free.

I shared on my personal Facebook page how this has been one of the hardest years of my life. I have survived more trauma and much more tragedy in former years. However, this year has been all out travail for any and everything. A constant fight for things that seem to come so easy to others. It has not been just one major event. That would have been easier to overcome, I think. No, it has been one disappointment after another after another after another each piling up on the other trapping me beneath the enormity of my situation. Truthfully, I spiraled down in a whirlwind of emotions. Anger, disappointment, heartbreak, and confusion swirled together as a violent tornado designed to take me out and I nearly succumbed to the force of the powerful winds. But God in all His mercy removed the veil of sadness and let me see the Light. He let me feel the warmth of His presence as He gathered me up in my brokenness. I was reminded of the scripture Habakkuk 3:17-18:


“Even though the fig trees are all destroyed, and there is neither blossom left nor fruit; though the olive crops all fail, and the fields lie barren; even if the flocks die in the fields and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will be happy in the God of my salvation.”

A resolve flooded my soul with strength rising up inside like a geyser bursting forth from my innermost being as I began to declare:

If the bills do not get paid, yet will I praise Thee.
If Christmas is not what I hoped it would be, yet will I praise Thee.
If my business doesn't flourish, yet will I praise Thee.
If broken relationships are not restored, yet will I praise Thee.
If healing doesn't come, yet will I praise Thee.

God’s Word promises He will never leave us. Numerous times I have left Him foolishly chasing after dreams and making my own way. Prayerfully, never again. He is the One I trust with my worries, with my dreams, with my heart, with my life, with my destiny. I refuse to lie down and die, but I will rise out of the ashes of hopelessness, disappointment, disillusionment, sickness, and certain death. I am woman; hear me roar! Okay, just kidding about that last part, but you get the picture. As the Natalie Grant song so beautifully goes..."I am coming alive with joy and destiny.” He is restoring me piece by piece.

Luke 1:45, "Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill His promises to her!"
  

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