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Heartache

It's a dull ache, really.  Tears may come, but sometimes they don't.  Lots and lots of sighing, usually.  Anguish.  Often, the origin is unknown and more often the WHY is bigger than the WHAT.  In other words, I know the event(s) that caused the heartache.  I just don't understand why that caused this much heartache.  Why am I so bothered by this?  Why can't I let this go? People all around me are grieved by much bigger, much harder circumstances and I can't seem to get over this? 

David asks the same question in Psalm 42:11 (NLT)..."Why am I discouraged?  Why is my heart so sad?"

We are by nature emotional beings.  We were created that way.  We laugh, we cry, we get angry, we can be sappy and we can be cold--very, very cold.  We love, we hate.  Then, the compilation of the involuntary emotion with the deliberate analysis of that emotion yields another feeling.  Overwhelmed.
I feel this way  +  why do I feel this way  + am I the only one who feels this way = 
overwhelming helplessness    (i.e. what is wrong with me???)
I believe things come our way to reveal to us what we cannot see about ourselves on our own.  So many times I have questioned my reaction to the smallest situation.  I would walk away after a gross overreaction to a situation thinking how will I ever show my face again?  Why am I so angry or why did that harmless comment cut so deeply?  After a little while, I begin to see a pattern.  Then, when I take time to study the pattern, I find the trail leads back to days, months, years past.   Finally, the aha! moment.   I can usually follow the clues back to the very first time I felt that emotion, be it rejection, belittlement, ridicule, abuse, neglect, abandonment...and the list goes on.  So then, I have to stop and deal with whatever the source is that left my heart broken.  Forgive the wrong, release the hurt, accept the healing.  Keep walking.

Our journeys, our paths, our stories all differ, but our feelings, our reactions, our insecurities are probably very much the same because we all have the same desires that make us human.  We want to be loved and accepted.  We want approval.  We want to be understood.  When we're not, we feel it.  Heartache.

The psalmist, David, had the key, however.  For in the latter part of  Psalm 42:11, he writes, "Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God!"  The amplified bible records this verse as, "Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my countenance, and my God."  Even though David did not identify the source of the heartache, he knew the Source of his comfort, he found his Hiding Place.

Psalm 34:18  "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

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