Skip to main content

Heartache

It's a dull ache, really.  Tears may come, but sometimes they don't.  Lots and lots of sighing, usually.  Anguish.  Often, the origin is unknown and more often the WHY is bigger than the WHAT.  In other words, I know the event(s) that caused the heartache.  I just don't understand why that caused this much heartache.  Why am I so bothered by this?  Why can't I let this go? People all around me are grieved by much bigger, much harder circumstances and I can't seem to get over this? 

David asks the same question in Psalm 42:11 (NLT)..."Why am I discouraged?  Why is my heart so sad?"

We are by nature emotional beings.  We were created that way.  We laugh, we cry, we get angry, we can be sappy and we can be cold--very, very cold.  We love, we hate.  Then, the compilation of the involuntary emotion with the deliberate analysis of that emotion yields another feeling.  Overwhelmed.
I feel this way  +  why do I feel this way  + am I the only one who feels this way = 
overwhelming helplessness    (i.e. what is wrong with me???)
I believe things come our way to reveal to us what we cannot see about ourselves on our own.  So many times I have questioned my reaction to the smallest situation.  I would walk away after a gross overreaction to a situation thinking how will I ever show my face again?  Why am I so angry or why did that harmless comment cut so deeply?  After a little while, I begin to see a pattern.  Then, when I take time to study the pattern, I find the trail leads back to days, months, years past.   Finally, the aha! moment.   I can usually follow the clues back to the very first time I felt that emotion, be it rejection, belittlement, ridicule, abuse, neglect, abandonment...and the list goes on.  So then, I have to stop and deal with whatever the source is that left my heart broken.  Forgive the wrong, release the hurt, accept the healing.  Keep walking.

Our journeys, our paths, our stories all differ, but our feelings, our reactions, our insecurities are probably very much the same because we all have the same desires that make us human.  We want to be loved and accepted.  We want approval.  We want to be understood.  When we're not, we feel it.  Heartache.

The psalmist, David, had the key, however.  For in the latter part of  Psalm 42:11, he writes, "Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God!"  The amplified bible records this verse as, "Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my countenance, and my God."  Even though David did not identify the source of the heartache, he knew the Source of his comfort, he found his Hiding Place.

Psalm 34:18  "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Joseph: Treasure Chest

I've so enjoyed the study of Joseph, thus far.  For me, it has been much like finding a treasure chest, cautiously opening the lid, peering in trying to see everything the chest holds.  Layers upon layers, depths upon depths, discovering and analyzing every part of his life recounted in the Bible like examining small gemstones or more accurately witnessing the most beautiful diamond being formed amidst the ugliest circumstances.  "Natural diamonds are formed about 100 miles beneath the earth's surface where carbon rich rocks are melted by the heat of the earth's mantle, a layer of liquid lava rock, and are compressed by the enormous pressure of the many miles of earth above them. As the earth churns, the heated rock may move upwards away from the heat and cool over time, which can form diamonds if the conditions are just right. It takes hundreds of thousands of years for the process to take place." (ehow.google)  To simplify--high temperature, high pressur...
Post a Comment
Read more

Porcupine

Photo by Vadym “The porcupine, whom one must handle gloved, may be respected, but never loved.”               ~Arthur Guiterman Those who know me, even those who have followed my blogs, know I have struggled in relationships. Though it is true, many of the hellacious, short-lived relationships were the result of simply picking the wrong people--whether romantic relationships, friendships, even mentors. For this reason, it is particularly important to pray about every aspect of your life, not just "the big things." In all actuality, the simplest details overlooked can thrust you into the most difficult and most painful situations from which to extricate yourself. Often, this is where we experience being blind-sided. Through these tumultuous times, as we all do, I have developed a defense mechanism that I only discovered in the past few weeks. In my prayer time, a revelation came to me so clearly, I may as well ha...
3 comments
Read more

So Why a Blog?

Photo by Heidi Fin For some time now, I have wanted to share my journey, but I did not have a forum in which to share it. After reading a friend's blog tonight, I became inspired!  The reason I want to tell my story is that I have found myself surrounded by many people, young and old alike, who are making some of the same mistakes I made. I want to scream, "Stop right there! Do not make a move!" I know that seems a bit silly, and well, dramatic. Having spent my entire childhood and early adult years practically living in the church, I know most, if not all, the excuses used to justify bad behavior while praying for mercy and expecting God to clean up the mess. God is merciful; He does often give us multiple opportunities to get it together. However, the U-turns and the long road back can be downright, literal hell. I have heard it said that "when you have walked twelve miles into the woods, even though you have turned around and headed out, you will still have twel...
2 comments
Read more