Stripped

Photo by Kelly Sikkema

There I stood alone in my living room feeling completely stripped, naked. Once again, vulnerable. My emotions had betrayed me. My very own vow broken. The vow that no one would ever be close enough to cause this much pain. Violent trembling commandeered my body while bile rose in my throat as though I would vomit, but only unproductive heaving came. Every nerve ending stood to attention. Utterly and completely disemboweled, I had been gutted. After what seemed like an eternity, my eyes released the bitter tears that spilled down my cheeks relentlessly for the next three days.

I knew in my heart the only way I could emerge from this wreckage was to crawl up into the arms of my Father. Baring my soul and expressing the pain that I would typically stuff way down deep was raw, and it was U-G-L-Y, but it was beneficial. He washed me with the unstoppable tears until I felt cleansed. The sobbing waned and the panicked gasps for air turned into soft, muffled sniffles. Prayers that were without words, merely long periods of weeping, now audibly emerged as, "I choose love. I choose to love as you love. Your will be done." It was there in my brokenness, He healed me and He put me back together piece by piece.

If you've lived very long, I'm certain you have had circumstances come your way that left you feeling as though God had surely forsaken you. Often, situations arise for the sole purpose of destroying you and to obliterate the last bit of hope that you were put on this earth for anything other than a life of survival. Jason Wade wrote, "barely surviving has become my purpose." Weapons will form, Friend, but Isaiah 54:17 promises those weapons will not succeed! The Amplified translation continues, “This [peace, righteousness, security, and triumph over opposition] is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and this is their vindication from Me, says the Lord.” How encouraging to know it is my heritage, it is my God-given right to have peace, righteousness, security, and triumph over opposition! Selah!

Though we cannot understand why things happen the way they do, perhaps we are not supposed to understand. We can, however, find comfort in these words found in Isaiah 55:9, "For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." God has a plan for each one of us that was devised before we were formed in our mothers’ womb and that perfect plan will come to fruition in spite of our present struggle.

Music always ministers to me in a very real, very deep way.  The lyrics of "Have Your Way" by Britt Nicole swept over my soul with a wind of reinforcement and a quiet resignation swelled within me. Such freedom came with a succumbing of body, soul, mind, and spirit to my Creator whose plan for me will prevail. Oh, that we would become like Paul and be content in whatever state we are in (Philippians 4:11).  Read these words as your prayer for today:

So I'll stop searching for the answers,
I'll stop praying for an escape,
And I'll trust you, God, with where I am,
And believe that you'll have your way.

Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."