The Journey

Photo by: Timothy Eberly Driving down the dark streets illuminated only by the occasional house covered in Christmas glow, thoughts swirling in a merciless pattern, Christian artist wailing ballads from the radio, with silent tears, emptiness enveloped me. My children chatting amongst themselves in the backseat were oblivious to the pain that was wrenching my inner being. If I can just hold it together until the innocents go to bed, then maybe I can pour out. So, mustering all my strength, I wandered through the evening busying myself with mindless tasks. Iron clothes for school, cook dinner, clean the kitchen, walk the dog. Finally, time to gather the kids, read the Bible, tuck them in after goodnight prayers. I closed the door to the quieted bedroom. My game face begins to crack as raw emotion flooded my being. Secret misgivings brought to light. Brutal honesty erupted from my mouth, "God, why would you do this to me?" Too many anti-Christ thoughts gushed out with such forc

Ashley Rae Barrington, I love you. You are the epitome of a blushing bride. I've watched you these past weeks plummet through the chaos of wedding planning with ease and gracefulness. No, it didn't always feel pretty, but you delighted in the walk of promises fulfilled! Your wait, Ashley, has been validated. Your battle has been victorious. You, my love, have not only been blessed with your soul mate but also with a loving, extended family that has welcomed you and your family into the fold. I admire the tenderness and the playfulness between you and the honesty that is palpable. True love. My prayer for you both is that as you grow your little family, the honesty remains, the ascertainable trust remains unbroken, and the passionate kisses never fade. May God ever be first. I love you both so much. Forever and always, Bert Song of Solomon 8:6-7 "...For love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty fl

photo by: freestocks Ah, the Christmas season is upon us. The time of year where people are a little bit kinder, more compassionate, and even generosity peeks out from the pocket we have shoved it all year when our own needs, wants, and aspirations take priority. Alas, the holidays can also be bleak. Amidst all the festivities and throngs of people milling about the malls, grocery stores, parades, office parties, and grand church productions, loneliness creeps in and overtakes in a sneak attack. An indescribable emptiness brings consuming, tormenting thoughts that seep every ounce of joy from those things that usually bring smiles and makes everyday tasks feel insurmountable. Christmas movies have become more about falling in love and dreams coming true which only adds to the disappointment realized on January 1 when nothing magical took place for you.  This morning, thoughts collided forming something so beautiful in my mind as I heard the words, "white Christmas." Shift y

Photo by Ales Me A heavy blanket of despair was draped upon my shoulders, but it provided no warmth or security. I was blindly stumbling through thick darkness searching for any glimmer of light in this circumstance. The force of the proverbial rug being snatched out from under me took my breath while deception loomed eerily around me. Every hair on my body stood to attention with the realization that nothing was what it appeared to be. Scouring for something tangible I grasped for anything to cling to because at that moment the One who was my only hope of survival seemed a million miles away. The God of all creation had turned His back, lifted His warm covering, and withheld His protection. I was wearied with unfulfilled promises, shattered dreams, unending devastation, and the relentless struggle to break free. I shared on my personal Facebook page how this has been one of the hardest years of my life. I have survived more trauma and much more tragedy in former years. However, this

Photo by: Mark Basarab Have you ever wondered what makes you, well, you? What inspires laughter and what induces tears? How can something so trivial cut so deep or how such a minuscule gesture can warm your very soul? What makes your whole day bright and what can make for a stormy week? Those things that make your blood boil versus the action or person that can set you perfectly at ease? What makes you strong? What makes you weak? What gives you security rather than anxiety or confidence rather than inferiority?  I have questioned many of these emotions as the past few months have felt like a spiritual pruning, a stripping away. During the process, emotional and spiritual layers have been peeled back to reveal a person I do not like. A person I do not want to see. A person that I had hoped no longer existed. My heart doors slammed shut as fast as a security gate at the threat of a robbery and closed with a seal as tight as that of a bank vault door. The walls that had slowly lowered

Photo by: Tyler Nix When trudging through difficult situations, I find myself searching through scriptures for some sort of comfort. Something to ease the pain or to bring peace or even to confirm I am right and the whole world is wrong, I am searching for validation. Grasping, really. Anything that will quiet the storm brewing in my mind and the whirlwind of my emotions. One passage always brings easement no matter the battle. Hebrews 4:15-16 (NIV) states, "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way just as we are--yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Did you know we have a sympathetic Savior? Typically, this passage is preached to encourage us in our struggles with temptation, assuage condemnation, and to open the altars for repentance. While that is certainly app

Photo by: Chris Lawton No words can be uttered when the proverbial final nail has been deliberately, maliciously, or even haphazardly hammered into the coffin. What is there to say? The end. Game over. Death. Seasons change bringing an end to one phase of life while ushering in a new beginning for the next phase of life. Sometimes we are not prepared for such a transition. Sometimes we pray for change. We often grieve with bittersweet tears either way. Unexpected, major shifts blindside and bring imbalance to otherwise steady ground because the humdrum of everyday life renders a false sense of security. Alas, life is a continuous cycle, ever-changing until death. Then I say, thankfully so, life is ever-changing. Otherwise, death might be forever, and resurrection cannot occur. As a small child, did you ever hide in a closet, a secret fort, or in a small space allowing complete darkness to cover you like a warm, winter blanket? Otherwise, such a space would be frightening, but when

I miss you so much. On my drive home today, I was thinking about you and all the things I have missed about you in your absence. Though losing you would have been devastating to me as a young child, I find losing you as an adult was crippling. The reason? There are many. You made me laugh all the time and you were the voice of reason when I could not make sense of things. I could never get too far out of line or forget my place without spurring the hand of correction into action. Thanks for that. You were my provider. We may not have had the best of everything, but we had everything we needed. As protector and defender, you were my knight in shining armor shielding me from things that I probably never knew about. Locking up the house at night once we all went to sleep was probably a small, mundane task for you. For your little girl, it was security. There was no fear of intruders; you were on guard. Most importantly, you loved me. Never once did I doubt that. My heavenly Father did

Photo by Samuel Martins Surpassing the confines of just an emotion, a broken heart causes actual, physical suffering, a pang that can be felt in your chest cavity. The emptiness of a hollowed-out soul lies imprisoned in the ribcage and each bone aches from the inside out. Torment stretches its ugly fingers to the core of the mind where painful memories are housed, where hurtful words linger, and where swirling thoughts run rampant as it extends its cruel feet to the very pit of the stomach flooding the entire torso with grief, angst, and brokenness. The torso is the middlemost part of the body from which every appendage stems. It is your center, your equilibrium. Is it any wonder that when the heart is broken, everything else in life seems to fall out of balance? "The human spirit can endure in sickness,   but a crushed spirit who can bear?"    Proverbs 18:14  There is hope, though. Psalm 126:5 encourages us that, "Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy

Photo by Jude Beck The most over-used, tired phrase in the history of the human species is "I love you." Now, some may argue the opposite; people do not truly know how much they are loved. I believe people do not trust those three words because the words no longer carry the weight they were intended to from the very beginning of creation. The banal words are often used to manipulate, control, seduce, entice, deceive, replace an apology, or even to fill an awkward silence or uncomfortable moment. We paste on a fake smile and spew falsities while wielding a sword of betrayal for our own hidden agendas.  We say, "I love you," to appear to be the better person rising above the situation all the while conspiring a subtle, yet cruel retaliation. This morning, I decided to go straight to the love chapter in the book that guides us through the whys and the hows of this life--God's love letter to us--to examine my own heart. Can I honestly say, "I love you?"

Photo by David Hoffman Admittedly, deep--and I must stress very deep--into the cavernous parts of my being, I am a romantic. The idea of the white knight coming to my rescue and making all the wrong things right, standing in my defense, wielding a redemptive sword on my behalf is heart-warming, comforting even. The oneness of the slow dance, two bodies moving in unison, a complete surrender to the one leading the dance is beautiful. However, my reality is solidarity; I am dancing solo. My journey has been one mostly walked alone. Do not misunderstand. I have a wonderful family and support system, and two lovely girls who make my heart smile. I am surrounded by those who pray for me and wish me well. Engulfed in a sea of well-meaning people, I stand alone.  As a single mother, making multiple, split-second decisions is a daily task. Some I actually get right, but some days I could sure use a do-over. Of course, there are those secret heart things which remain hidden, waiting to confid

Ah ,   F e b ruary.  T he month of candied-hearts, chocolate kis ses, and Pepto-Bismol pin k splattered  EVERYWHERE ! Lovey-dovey, ooey-gooey, undying love sentiments plastered on te levision commercials, retail store ads, and Facebook pages. We won't even ta l k abou t the Hallmark Cha nnel! There is almost no escape for an entire month...well, really two months because all  the insanity begins before you can take your Christmas decorations down. From a single gal's perspective, this is truly maddening. As a s ociety, we are constantly categorized by financial status, educational background, occupation, parental status, friend, or foe. Unfortunately, our marital status is one of the top classifications that span across many other areas of life such as taxes, gym m embership, school forms, church groups, and so on... Suddenly, you find yourself labeled, yet again. From a single mother's perspective, this is even more maddening. You just want to yell, "I AM SO MUCH MO