Photo by David Hoffman |
Admittedly, deep--and I must
stress very deep--into the cavernous parts of my being, I am a
romantic. The idea of the white knight coming to my rescue and making all
the wrong things right, standing in my defense, wielding a redemptive
sword on my behalf is heart-warming, comforting even. The oneness of the slow
dance, two bodies moving in unison, a complete surrender to the one leading the
dance is beautiful. However, my reality is solidarity; I am dancing solo. My
journey has been one mostly walked alone. Do not misunderstand. I have a
wonderful family and support system, and two lovely girls who make my heart
smile. I am surrounded by those who pray for me and wish me well. Engulfed
in a sea of well-meaning people, I stand alone.
As a single mother, making multiple,
split-second decisions is a daily task. Some I actually get right, but
some days I could sure use a do-over. Of course, there are those
secret heart things which remain hidden, waiting to confide in that one
person you know has your back no-matter-what. Decisions about my kids,
my career, my finances, my spiritual walk are made in holy fear. God,
please do not let me make the wrong choice as it affects my children, my
livelihood, or my relationship with You.
Tonight, under a blanket of stars, I looked up
to the vast sky and cried out, "God, why is it no matter how far I
come, I walk alone? I bear the weight alone. I bear the responsibility alone.
Lord, I'm not afraid, I'm weary." Then, I am reminded
of this powerful scripture in Hebrews 13:5b AMP:
"...for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any
way fail you nor give you
up nor leave you without support."
Many are the times I
have started over, embarked on new adventures following the path laid out
before me. Never once, have I truly been alone. He is always with me. As I melt
into unison with the One leading me, how comforting to know He, the God of all
creation, is the white knight coming to my rescue and making all the wrong
things right, standing in my defense, wielding a redemptive sword on my
behalf.
Do not be weary on your journey, friends. Enjoy the dance.
"Life's been a journey. I've seen joy. I've seen regret. Oh, and You have
been my God through all of it..." -Colton Dixon, Through All of It,
Anchor
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