I have been reading the book of Ecclesiastes this week. Yesterday, I was struck by the passage found in chapter 7 verse 20: "There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins." Did I just hear a collective sigh of relief? What liberty that brings to a soul "weary in well doing!" To me, it is a refeshing drink to a soul that longs to be holy, but continues to "sin and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)
As many of you know, my husband and I are separated. Before the separation, we lived in Atlanta (in very affluent neighborhoods) for almost 8 years. We rubbed elbows with the well-to-do and all of our friends were successful doctors, engineers, Buckhead business owners, real estate tycoons, etc. I was working downtown for a very large gastroenterology practice in a managment position with big-picture projects, not the day-to-day humdrum of a typical office, and the big-city salary to go with it. All of these things were great, but they were not that hard to give up when the marriage took the downward spiral through hell to oblivion. I knew I had to leave. I had a 19-month old and a newborn to take care of. I refused to bring them up in the environment I had become so accustomed to, an environment that was killing me. My biggest struggle? Coming home...or more specifically, returning to the town I was so desperate to leave 11 years ago.
I had burned so many bridges. When I would come home to visit, prior to my returning home indefinitely, I would become nauseated anytime we would go out in public. I was afraid who I might see, or more to the point, who might see me. When my family and I would go to a restaurant, I wanted to sit where I could see the door. That would give me time to escape before being cornered by someone from my past. Or worse, I might simply be snubbed or completely ignored. I just couldn't bear it.
The Lord was so very gracious to me, though. I had been home more than a year before I began to see people from my past. That is unheard of in a small town! He gave me time to heal and time to begin to forgive myself. I have found that life has gone on for everyone else. I was the only one making time stand still. I was the one reliving those days of awful humiliation and hurt...lots and lots of hurt.
Now, with all the time that has gone by, the Lord has restored so many relationships. I don't fear going into restaurants or stores. He has restored a pastoral relationship and a church family that makes me feel secure--free to worship without dread of who might come through the doors. I have even been reunited with many from my former church family. He continues to build me up and prove to me Phillipians 3:9 which tells me that I have "become righteous through faith in Christ."
I am so thankful for the blood that washes away all sin. I am undeserving, but His grace has made me whole again!
As many of you know, my husband and I are separated. Before the separation, we lived in Atlanta (in very affluent neighborhoods) for almost 8 years. We rubbed elbows with the well-to-do and all of our friends were successful doctors, engineers, Buckhead business owners, real estate tycoons, etc. I was working downtown for a very large gastroenterology practice in a managment position with big-picture projects, not the day-to-day humdrum of a typical office, and the big-city salary to go with it. All of these things were great, but they were not that hard to give up when the marriage took the downward spiral through hell to oblivion. I knew I had to leave. I had a 19-month old and a newborn to take care of. I refused to bring them up in the environment I had become so accustomed to, an environment that was killing me. My biggest struggle? Coming home...or more specifically, returning to the town I was so desperate to leave 11 years ago.
I had burned so many bridges. When I would come home to visit, prior to my returning home indefinitely, I would become nauseated anytime we would go out in public. I was afraid who I might see, or more to the point, who might see me. When my family and I would go to a restaurant, I wanted to sit where I could see the door. That would give me time to escape before being cornered by someone from my past. Or worse, I might simply be snubbed or completely ignored. I just couldn't bear it.
The Lord was so very gracious to me, though. I had been home more than a year before I began to see people from my past. That is unheard of in a small town! He gave me time to heal and time to begin to forgive myself. I have found that life has gone on for everyone else. I was the only one making time stand still. I was the one reliving those days of awful humiliation and hurt...lots and lots of hurt.
Now, with all the time that has gone by, the Lord has restored so many relationships. I don't fear going into restaurants or stores. He has restored a pastoral relationship and a church family that makes me feel secure--free to worship without dread of who might come through the doors. I have even been reunited with many from my former church family. He continues to build me up and prove to me Phillipians 3:9 which tells me that I have "become righteous through faith in Christ."
I am so thankful for the blood that washes away all sin. I am undeserving, but His grace has made me whole again!
Isaiah 43:25 "I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."
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