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Abandonment

a·ban·don  /əˈbændən/ [uh-ban-duhn] :
  –verb (used with object)
   –to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert

There is nothing worse than that feeling.  Lost, alone, scared, empty, worried, confused...all because of one act.  Abandonment.

I went through a period of my life where I was essentially a "dead man walking."  Everything in life that I believed to be true, tangible, lasting had disappeared.  Poof!  The proverbial rug snatched from under me. Things I believed to be one way were suddenly another.  People that I was sure would be with me always were suddenly forever gone without so much as a glimpse back in my direction.  Nothing was real anymore.   It began to appear that life was nothing more than smoke and mirrors. The only way to survive was to learn the ropes.  I adopted a new motto from Hollywood's most famous "Blonde Bombshell".
‎"A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, leaves before she is left and forgets before she is forgotten."  --Marilyn Monroe
I couldn't even grieve for my dad.  Angry, bitter tears would come, but not those tears that cleanse the soul. 

It has taken many years to be able to come to terms with my  dad's death, divorce, and the loss of relationships.  There was even someone I thought would surely step in and take on a fatherly or at the very least a mentoring role.  He never looked back, either.  It was the loss of my first love that was the hardest, the most damaging--I lost my relationship with the Lord.  Ironically, I abandoned Him. I felt like He was hurting me so I hurt Him back.  Truth is, I ended up hurting myself.  I hurt my family who was trying to cope with their own grief.

The good news:  I have found my way back and I would dare say higher heights and deeper depths.  As the prodigal child, I had to wallow in the hog pen.  But, I have been received by the Father who threw His arms around me, clothed me in His joy and peace, and made me whole, again.  All I had to do was turn around and run back toward Him.  He is my Rock and my Salvation!

Deuteronomy 31:8:  "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

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