The Journey

I miss you so much. On my drive home today, I was thinking about you and all the things I have missed about you in your absence. Though losing you would have been devastating to me as a young child, I find losing you as an adult was crippling. The reason? There are many. You made me laugh all the time and you were the voice of reason when I could not make sense of things. I could never get too far out of line or forget my place without spurring the hand of correction into action. Thanks for that. You were my provider. We may not have had the best of everything, but we had everything we needed. As protector and defender, you were my knight in shining armor shielding me from things that I probably never knew about. Locking up the house at night once we all went to sleep was probably a small, mundane task for you. For your little girl, it was security. There was no fear of intruders; you were on guard. Most importantly, you loved me. Never once did I doubt that. My heavenly Fa...

Photo by Samuel Martins Surpassing the confines of just an emotion, a broken heart causes actual, physical suffering, a pang that can be felt in your chest cavity. The emptiness of a hollowed-out soul lies imprisoned in the ribcage and each bone aches from the inside out. Torment stretches its ugly fingers to the core of the mind where painful memories are housed, where hurtful words linger, and where swirling thoughts run rampant as it extends its cruel feet to the very pit of the stomach flooding the entire torso with grief, angst, and brokenness. The torso is the middlemost part of the body from which every appendage stems. It is your center, your equilibrium. Is it any wonder that when the heart is broken, everything else in life seems to fall out of balance? "The human spirit can endure in sickness,   but a crushed spirit who can bear?"    Proverbs 18:14  There is hope, though. Psalm 126:5 enco...

Photo by Jude Beck The most over-used, tired phrase in the history of the human species is "I love you." Now, some may argue the opposite; people do not truly know how much they are loved. I believe people do not trust those three words because the words no longer carry the weight they were intended to from the very beginning of creation. The banal words are often used to manipulate, control, seduce, entice, deceive, replace an apology, or even to fill an awkward silence or uncomfortable moment. We paste on a fake smile and spew falsities while wielding a sword of betrayal for our own hidden agendas.  We say, "I love you," to appear to be the better person rising above the situation all the while conspiring a subtle, yet cruel retaliation. This morning, I decided to go straight to the love chapter in the book that guides us through the whys and the hows of this life--God's love letter to us--to examine my own heart. Can I honestly say, "I love you?" ...

Photo by David Hoffman Admittedly, deep--and I must stress very deep--into the cavernous parts of my being, I am a romantic. The idea of the white knight coming to my rescue and making all the wrong things right, standing in my defense, wielding a redemptive sword on my behalf is heart-warming, comforting even. The oneness of the slow dance, two bodies moving in unison, a complete surrender to the one leading the dance is beautiful. However, my reality is solidarity; I am dancing solo. My journey has been one mostly walked alone. Do not misunderstand. I have a wonderful family and support system, and two lovely girls who make my heart smile. I am surrounded by those who pray for me and wish me well. Engulfed in a sea of well-meaning people, I stand alone.  As a single mother, making multiple, split-second decisions is a daily task. Some I actually get right, but some days I could sure use a do-over. Of course, there are those...

Ah ,   F e b ruary.  T he month of candied-hearts, chocolate kis ses, and Pepto-Bismol pin k splattered  EVERYWHERE ! Lovey-dovey, ooey-gooey, undying love sentiments plastered on te levision commercials, retail store ads, and Facebook pages. We won't even ta l k abou t the Hallmark Cha nnel! There is almost no escape for an entire month...well, really two months because all  the insanity begins before you can take your Christmas decorations down. From a single gal's perspective, this is truly maddening. As a s ociety, we are constantly categorized by financial status, educational background, occupation, parental status, friend, or foe. Unfortunately, our marital status is one of the top classifications that span across many other areas of life such as taxes, gym m embership, school forms, church groups, and so on... Suddenly, you find yourself labeled, yet again. From a single mother's perspective, this is even more maddening. You just want to yell, "I AM SO MUCH ...

Photo by Kristopher Roller Over the past several years, I have had a series of circumstances that kept me in a seemingly never-ending funnel of turmoil.  Divorce, illness, long seasons of mediocre jobs, and unemployment and single parenting came together in a whirlwind of chaos and destruction. My days have been filled with putting out fires, but never gaining any real ground. My daily mantra has been,  If I can get through one more day, take one more step, pay one more payment, work one more hour, we will be okay.  Survival mode. Over the past few months, I have had an idea formulating in my spirit that will quite possibly set my little family on the path from a place of merely surviving to a thriving existence. Early one morning, I was mentally rehearsing the bullet points of my plan and prayerfully explaining why these changes will work, why they are necessary, and why they need to happen now when a little nugget was dropped into my spirit. The church has been ...

Photo by Will Porada Earlier this week, a snippet of a fire-and-brimstone sermon from somewhere in my youth came back to me in weird randomness. Fuzzy details of the setting loom in the corners of my mind trying to come to the forefront, but never actually forming a clear memory. I truly do not remember the who, what, when, whereof the matter, but what I do remember resonates. In this foreboding sermon, the minister is warning of the dangers of dabbling in worldly pleasures and such. "Don't go anywhere Jesus wouldn't go with you." At the time, I am sure I rolled my eyes in a covert manner, probably sighed--inwardly, of course--as I tossed this tidbit away thinking Brother Old Fogey just could not relate to the current times. After all, didn't Jesus have dinner with sinners? In retrospect, this concept is absolutely true and applicable to every generation of old and young alike. When we find ourselves tiptoeing around in areas we know we should not, we can ease...