The Journey

C.S. Lewis wrote in A Grief Observed , "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."  That is so unbelievably true.  Both grip your heart.  Both have an effect on your perception.  Both can be debilitating mentally, emotionally, spiritually, even physically.  The sister emotions can become intertwined, as well. In death, you have the heartbreak of losing someone you care about coupled with the fear of life never being "normal" again.  Both leave you saying, Where do I go from here?   Same goes for a bad breakup which to me feels also like a death--death of the person you thought you knew, death of a love you thought would last forever, death of a bond you thought to be unbreakable, a soul tie severed.  Then comes the fear, Will you ever be able to let someone that close, again?  Will you ever trust, again? Will you ever bounce back from this?  From a spiritual standpoint, we can grieve over sin be it intentional ...

Photo by: Keyur Nandaniya This week I experienced pain and grief like I have not felt in quite some time. Blindsided, I experienced an overwhelming, devastating, painful wreckage. The toll of the complete stress I have endured for many weeks manifested itself yesterday. During Sunday morning worship, I collapsed---body, soul, mind, and even spirit.  Complete shutdown.  Okay, how did I get here, again? Then, revelation fell from Heaven and came to rest in my soul.  All this turmoil began with just one lie.  1 Kings 13 recounts the events that led to the violent death of a prophet while on divine assignment by God. Though I have read this story many times, the tragedy always perplexed me. Here we read of a man on a mission by the Lord who traveled to Bethel to confront the king about the ritual of burning incense on the altar which was in defiance of God's law. The man of God was commanded by God to neither eat nor drink in that place nor...

Over the past year, I have written from some very high and some very low places.  Some of my writing may seem redundant as many of the trials I've faced seem redundant to me at times.  Same life lessons just much harder tests.  Even now, I find myself in the most uncomfortable place I have been in quite a long time.  It is one in which I have absolutely no control--not just in one area but in several areas of my life--not just in my life, but also in the lives of everyone around me.  There is much heartache, turmoil, grief.  What IS going on?  What is He up to? I have learned in these past 3 years, that God is always in control.  He is more in control when we are not which is really the best place to be.  So, that, through all of these circumstances in our lives, He will be glorified not only in us, but also through us.  I know His ways are higher (Isaiah 55:8-9) and I depend on that to get me through the tough times, the fie...

This morning I am writing from a very dark, very lonely, very painful place.  David writes in Psalm 55:4, "My heart is grievously pained within me..."  For 2 1/2 years after returning home from Atlanta, I have been shielded.  My heart had a barrier, my eyes had blinders, my ears were covered from anyone and anything except the Lord.  I was in deep pursuit of all that is holy and He restored me, healed me, set my feet on the right course.  However, the past 6 months, I'd say, I have felt like that shield was lifted and fiery darts have been thrown from every direction.  Temptations, curiosities, longings, have come to pull me away, to drag me to certain death.  Death of spirit, death of heart, death of mind.  I told my close friend only a few days ago, I would rather be dead inside than to feel like I feel at this very moment. You see, the enemy laid a trap for me and I jumped right in with both feet.  Blindsided, again.  I fe...

This morning in our worship service, there was a very real, very palpable drawing of the Holy Spirit to come back to our first love.  A wooing, if you will, to return to the One Who loved us first.  A call was given to lay down the idolatry in our lives, casting down and putting away those things that we have made a priority over our relationship with The Living God.  Dethrone Flesh and let God be God of our lives.  At the end of the altar service, our Pastor, by Divine order, read 2 Chronicles 7:14.  Before citing the scripture, let me first set the stage for you.  Solomon, the son of King David, has completed the building of the temple.  If you know the story of David, you remember David had a heart to build a temple for the Lord; however, it was God's plan for Solomon to build the temple as David's time was one of war.  Solomon would reign in peace and the Lord would "establish his throne forever."  (1 Chronicles 17) ...

I am currently working through Beth Moore's study of David which is concentrated in the book of 2 Samuel.  In Chapter 19, the story reveals a conversation between Saul's grandson, Mephibosheth, and King David.  If you are familiar with the history of David, you remember the King sought out anyone left of Saul's lineage that he might bless.  Mephibosheth is described biblically as "crippled in both feet."  King David took him in and insisted the lame man would always eat at his table.  This particular part of the study is focused on the loyalty of Saul's descendant to King David, but the part of this passage that quickened me was the following verse.  Mephibosheth tells the King, "All my grandfather's descendants deserved nothing but death from my lord the king, but you gave your servant a place among those who eat at your table.  So what right do I have to make any more appeals to the king?" In 2 Samuel 9:8, Mephibosheth...

Howling wind, beating rain, boisterous thunder...awakened at 3 a.m.  Bright, flashes of lightening penetrated my bedroom as rolling thunder rattled the windows.  I peered through the blinds with sleepy eyes trying to focus on the images illuminated by the dance of lights in the heavens.  The lamp posts made obsolete by the bolts of electricity ripping through the night sky, the stars hidden, the moon nowhere to be found.  Water cascaded across the barren parking lot like ocean waves with no apparent beginning and no ending in sight.  As I groggily returned to my bed, I began mentally perusing the rooms of our small apartment wondering which place would be the safest should the predicted tornado come our way.  My two small children were tucked away in their snug beds not even aroused by the violent tempest parading outside their window. I, however, very much aware and now very much awake, decided either of the closets in their room woul...