Like most, I pretty much have the same bedtime ritual every night. You know, the whole brush my teeth, read for a short while, bedtime prayers, then it is lights out. For many, eyes would close and then, they would be off to "the land of dreams." Lately, I find that when I lie down, my ceiling looks exactly as it did when I crawled into bed two hours earlier. At the moment that I am finally able to close my eyes, I find myself in a mental theater. The lights go down, the movie begins...
Retrospective scenarios begin to flood the mental movie screen. Imaginary rewrites to the script, a different ending played out before me. I should have said...Why didn't I...If only I had... I should have...I could have...I would have...and the storyline changes a million times over. There is a cinematic term that is so fitting for this intellective reenactment. Mockumentary. A fictional film that is deliberately designed to "mock" the subject that it features. Scene after scene is replayed. A rerun of every conversation. Every facial expression a motif now magnified and mocking me.
Then, the dust on my ceiling fan brings me back to the reality that I didn't say, I didn't do, and my situation has not changed. I'm left exhausted, but wide awake. Solomon might have felt this way when he wrote, "I went to sleep, but my heart is awake..my head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night." (Song of Solomon 5:2)
Often times, my writing makes reference to battle. So much of the time, there is a mental tug-of-war going on and there is ALWAYS a spiritual war going on. A war, good vs. evil, that will continue 'til The End which by the way is when WE WIN for once and for all! Until, then though, we continue to strive. We fight.
At this point, I am reminded of Joshua. For much of his life, he was engaged in battle for Israel. I love the final chapters of this Biblical book. I take great comfort in Joshua 21:44-45, "The LORD gave them rest on every side, just as he had sworn to their ancestors. Not one of their enemies withstood them. Not one of all the LORD’s good promises...failed; every one was fulfilled." Chapter 23 records Joshua's farewell speech. To summarize:
Proverbs 3:24 "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."
Retrospective scenarios begin to flood the mental movie screen. Imaginary rewrites to the script, a different ending played out before me. I should have said...Why didn't I...If only I had... I should have...I could have...I would have...and the storyline changes a million times over. There is a cinematic term that is so fitting for this intellective reenactment. Mockumentary. A fictional film that is deliberately designed to "mock" the subject that it features. Scene after scene is replayed. A rerun of every conversation. Every facial expression a motif now magnified and mocking me.
Then, the dust on my ceiling fan brings me back to the reality that I didn't say, I didn't do, and my situation has not changed. I'm left exhausted, but wide awake. Solomon might have felt this way when he wrote, "I went to sleep, but my heart is awake..my head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night." (Song of Solomon 5:2)
Often times, my writing makes reference to battle. So much of the time, there is a mental tug-of-war going on and there is ALWAYS a spiritual war going on. A war, good vs. evil, that will continue 'til The End which by the way is when WE WIN for once and for all! Until, then though, we continue to strive. We fight.
At this point, I am reminded of Joshua. For much of his life, he was engaged in battle for Israel. I love the final chapters of this Biblical book. I take great comfort in Joshua 21:44-45, "The LORD gave them rest on every side, just as he had sworn to their ancestors. Not one of their enemies withstood them. Not one of all the LORD’s good promises...failed; every one was fulfilled." Chapter 23 records Joshua's farewell speech. To summarize:
You have seen for yourselves all the Lord has done for Your sake; it was the Lord Your God Who fought for you. The Lord Himself will drive them out of your way. He will push them out before you and you will take possession. Be very strong and careful to obey all that is written. Hold fast to the Lord Your God because the Lord Your God fights for you, just as He promised.Now that is the kind of movie ending that will make you rest easy!
Proverbs 3:24 "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."
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