Long Nights

Probably one of the hardest things of marital separation or divorce is enduring those oh so long and oh so lonely nights.  I'm not merely referring to the sexual intimacy of the marriage bed, but rather the security of it, of the nightly routines.  Putting the kids to bed, reading or watching your favorite television show, or just the mundane conversations of how the upcoming week will be organized and the coordination of schedules, school events, demands of the job, while attempting to balance somewhat of a personal life, something fun even.  My estranged husband and I used to share ice cream.  It was just part of the routine.  I'd set the coffee for the next morning, prepare two glasses of water for the bedside tables, and one big bowl of ice cream before retreating to the bedroom.  (Or in our case, tiptoeing so the toddler, a very light sleeper, in the next room did not wake up and set us back an hour or two.)

While routines can seem so boring and monotonous, the loss of that routine can be so devastating.  Everything changes.  Nothing is the same.  So, you try new routines until you find one that fits.  The only problem is the ending of that routine is the same.  You have to lie down and go to sleep.  That marks the end of the day or that's the way it is supposed to work.  However, sometimes those nights seem to stretch into eternities.  Too many times I've rolled over to look at the clock to find it has only been several minutes since the last time I looked rather than several hours.  I know.  You should never look at the clock when you are experiencing a restless, sleepless night.  But, really, how many people can go all night without looking at the clock? 

There are times in the christian walk when it seems like God Himself is walking arm-in-arm with you.  He's courting you.  The perks of the courtship are things like having your questions answered before you can even finish speaking, or the illuminating revelation of every scripture you read, prayers are answered left and right and almost instantaneously.  There is an excitement inside of you that can only be described as walking on clouds, abiding in the Heavenlies.  These are often times of building our faith, refreshing us for those times that come almost immediately after the glorious honeymoon periods.

Then, you may wake up to find yourself walking through some very dark, very cold, very lonely "nights" of frustration, restlessness, clock watching.  This is when the christian walk turns into the faith walk.  God, are you there?  Do you even hear me?  When are you going to answer my prayer?  Hellooooo???  Your prayers reverberate off the sides of the cavernous pit you've found yourself in and bounce back to hit you in the face never reaching God's ear which you believe is now literally billions upon billions of miles away.  David articulated this emotional time well in Psalm 22:1-2:

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, but I find no rest." 

The feeling is that of separation which often times leads to self scrutiny which leads to guilt or shame which leads to hopelessness.  What did I do or what did I say that even God has separated Himself from me?

Do not fret, but be of good cheer! 

Romans 8:38-39 tells us, "...nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Nothing.

Job 11:16-18 "You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.  Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.