"What a person desires is unfailing love." Proverbs 19:22
I write to you as a person who has endured much heartache over the years. Some came of my own doing...foolishness, rebellion, immaturity, selfishness. Some heartbreaks, although unwarranted, were actually necessary to bring about change, separation, and eventually growth. Oh, those growing pains.
Recently, I read somewhere that it's not love that hurts, but rather the loss of love, the rejection, the disappointment, the abandonment, the loneliness that actually hurts. This is so true. It is the sense of loss, the void the person left in your life whether the relationship was romantic, parental, or even your very best friend or perhaps a mentor or confidante. The sorrow is the same, whether the loss came by death, divorce, abandonment, or angry words hurled with carelessness. Beth Moore writes, "Many of us have been loved by unhealthy people who proved deceptive in other ways. We were left injured and confused. Incidentally, if we didn't let God heal us, we likely became unhealthy people ourselves who continued the process." (John, 90 Days with the Beloved Disciple) Though I cannot find who actually coined the phrase, we know it to be true: "Hurting people hurt people."
I believe this is due, in part, to the desensitized use of the word, love. Seemingly, the 4-letter word is now spelled more like this: I-love-you-if or I-love-you-when or I-love-your...
I-love-you-if ...you love me and are kind to me.
I-love-you-if...your beliefs are my beliefs.
I-love-you-if...you give me what I want or what I need.
I-love-you-when...you buy me things.
I-love-you-when...you are well-behaved and don't embarrass me.
I-love-your...social status, education, portfolio.
I love you picture-perfect. The fact is, we are all flawed, we all have struggles, we all have wounds. A co-worker of mine once shared a story that has stuck with me. The story begins with her little girl making an insensitive remark towards her, the mom. The dad takes the child to the side and explains (and I am paraphrasing here) that their home is the safe place. "This is where I get to be the best dad, Mom gets to be the best mom, and you girls get to be the best sisters and daughters. We are supposed to all feel good here, free to be ourselves, and safe from hurtful words." Now, let's stop and think where else should be safe? 1 John 3:18 says, "...let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." The body of Christ needs a big overhaul in this area. We are failing miserably!
Of late, I have been disturbed by the behavior of those who should by now be experts in "this thing called love." We know from I Corinthians 13 (the love chapter) that "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." Can we truthfully say we walk in love?
I will only get on my soapbox for a minute and only because it is so relevant. The most drama, the most perversion, the most twisting of facts, the most spiteful words, the most un-Christlike behavior tends to be reflected by....you guessed it...my fellow, Christians. Those who are in church every single time the doors are open, those constantly posting scriptures on Facebook are also the same ones gossiping, boasting, spewing venomous words. They are easily angered or offended; they are rude. These are not the attributes of love. This is unacceptable because we are commanded to love. Period. Jesus said, "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them." There is no love-if, love-when, love-your. The Church, the body of Christ, should be the harbor, the safe place. God's hands extended, His attributes. I dare say, it is not just the lost or the unsaved that you have purposed to be a light to that need love, but also to your brothers and sisters in Christ "for anyone who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he hasn't seen." (2 John 4:20) I believe self-centeredness is the root of the spirit of offense. We need to take our eyes off of self, turn and completely focus on Christ to lead us and direct our steps. In doing so, His love is made perfect and is completed in us just as the scriptures state.
Jesus went on to say in Luke 6:35,36 that the "reward will be great, and you will be the sons of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." So I say, love, my friend, and love freely. Love as Christ loved; it doesn't hurt, not true love, not perfect love. Perfect love drives out fear and perfect love never fails!
1 John 4:9, "This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us..."
I write to you as a person who has endured much heartache over the years. Some came of my own doing...foolishness, rebellion, immaturity, selfishness. Some heartbreaks, although unwarranted, were actually necessary to bring about change, separation, and eventually growth. Oh, those growing pains.
Recently, I read somewhere that it's not love that hurts, but rather the loss of love, the rejection, the disappointment, the abandonment, the loneliness that actually hurts. This is so true. It is the sense of loss, the void the person left in your life whether the relationship was romantic, parental, or even your very best friend or perhaps a mentor or confidante. The sorrow is the same, whether the loss came by death, divorce, abandonment, or angry words hurled with carelessness. Beth Moore writes, "Many of us have been loved by unhealthy people who proved deceptive in other ways. We were left injured and confused. Incidentally, if we didn't let God heal us, we likely became unhealthy people ourselves who continued the process." (John, 90 Days with the Beloved Disciple) Though I cannot find who actually coined the phrase, we know it to be true: "Hurting people hurt people."
I believe this is due, in part, to the desensitized use of the word, love. Seemingly, the 4-letter word is now spelled more like this: I-love-you-if or I-love-you-when or I-love-your...
I-love-you-if ...you love me and are kind to me.
I-love-you-if...your beliefs are my beliefs.
I-love-you-if...you give me what I want or what I need.
I-love-you-when...you buy me things.
I-love-you-when...you are well-behaved and don't embarrass me.
I-love-your...social status, education, portfolio.
I love you picture-perfect. The fact is, we are all flawed, we all have struggles, we all have wounds. A co-worker of mine once shared a story that has stuck with me. The story begins with her little girl making an insensitive remark towards her, the mom. The dad takes the child to the side and explains (and I am paraphrasing here) that their home is the safe place. "This is where I get to be the best dad, Mom gets to be the best mom, and you girls get to be the best sisters and daughters. We are supposed to all feel good here, free to be ourselves, and safe from hurtful words." Now, let's stop and think where else should be safe? 1 John 3:18 says, "...let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." The body of Christ needs a big overhaul in this area. We are failing miserably!
Of late, I have been disturbed by the behavior of those who should by now be experts in "this thing called love." We know from I Corinthians 13 (the love chapter) that "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." Can we truthfully say we walk in love?
I will only get on my soapbox for a minute and only because it is so relevant. The most drama, the most perversion, the most twisting of facts, the most spiteful words, the most un-Christlike behavior tends to be reflected by....you guessed it...my fellow, Christians. Those who are in church every single time the doors are open, those constantly posting scriptures on Facebook are also the same ones gossiping, boasting, spewing venomous words. They are easily angered or offended; they are rude. These are not the attributes of love. This is unacceptable because we are commanded to love. Period. Jesus said, "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them." There is no love-if, love-when, love-your. The Church, the body of Christ, should be the harbor, the safe place. God's hands extended, His attributes. I dare say, it is not just the lost or the unsaved that you have purposed to be a light to that need love, but also to your brothers and sisters in Christ "for anyone who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he hasn't seen." (2 John 4:20) I believe self-centeredness is the root of the spirit of offense. We need to take our eyes off of self, turn and completely focus on Christ to lead us and direct our steps. In doing so, His love is made perfect and is completed in us just as the scriptures state.
Jesus went on to say in Luke 6:35,36 that the "reward will be great, and you will be the sons of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." So I say, love, my friend, and love freely. Love as Christ loved; it doesn't hurt, not true love, not perfect love. Perfect love drives out fear and perfect love never fails!
1 John 4:9, "This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us..."
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