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Know Your Audience: What Are You Saying?

My five-year-old brought home a wonderful question from her pre-K class that has really become quite useful in our everyday lives.  I have even applied it in my spiritual life as well as in making some major, life-decisions.  The question, "Is that helpful or hurtful?"  Usually, when applied at our house, the question applies more to what is coming out of our mouths than our actions--what is being said seems to cause a lot more damage than what is being done.  Bad behavior inevitably begins with unkind, sassy, harmful words.  So, I've been reflecting on my conversations with everyone--my kids, my family, my friends, acquaintances, strangers and so on.  I must admit, I am guilty of not thinking before I speak. 

Throughout the Bible, there are multiple references to idle words.  That is, unproductive, inactive, of no real worth, importance, or significance, as defined by Dictionary.com.   One Biblical passage I found intriguing, Isaiah 58:13-14, makes mention of keeping the Sabbath holy.  How?  If you find the Sabbath to be delightful, by not going about doing your own thing, AND not speaking idle words!  The Bible promises, "then you will find your joy in the Lord."  We also know by Matthew 12:36 that one day we will have to answer for those idle words.  This topic was clearly on the heart of the psalmist, David, when He wrote: 
Who may worship in your sanctuary, LORD? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill? Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends...and keep their promises even when it hurts...Such people will stand firm forever.

And now, for a little Facebook rant.  I use this example because it is the most public forum most of us have at our disposal.  Let me begin by saying, I have enjoyed Facebook for a long time.  I like posting pictures of my kids, sharing their cute sayings, sharing the blessings that have come my way only by the grace of God.  So keep an open mind as I express what has been on my heart lately.  I probably have the least amount of Facebook friends than many, if not all, of you.  Even with the few friends I do have, they are quite the hodgepodge group.  For example, my friends are Republicans, Democrats, and Independents; they are pastors and agnostics; they are Catholic, Methodist, Baptist, Church of God, non-Denominational and non-Church goers; they are single, married, divorced, grandparents, parents, teenagers; they are people who have struggled with addictions, eating disorders, chronic illnesses; they are doctors, lawyers, clerks, stylists, teachers, homemakers, unemployed and disabled--from the very wealthy, to the very destitute; they are my relatives, friends, co-workers, church family; people I've known for many years and people I've only known for months or even weeks.  So, anytime I post, I now make every effort to stop to think...is this helpful or hurtful? If I have to think very long, I probably shouldn't post it.  I also ask, What is my motive?  Am I trying to validate myself, take a jab at someone without having to take responsiblity for my words, or am I just wanting to encourage someone with a scripture or a song or a funny story?  Yes, one can unfriend or unsubscribe someone if their posts are offensive...but I'm not referring to someone else's posts.  I am referring to mine.  Besides, I may not want to lose my friends, just their drama.

Here are some situations that come to mind.  Hopefully, these will drive my point home.

If my FB friend cannot buy groceries because the breadwinner lost his/her job or because they are on a fixed income, do they really want to read about every shopping trip I make and all the good deals I found while there?

If my FB friend has an eating disorder such as anorexia or perhaps morbid obesity, is it helpful or hurtful to read constant postings about overindulgence of food or struggles with weight loss/gain?

If my FB friend struggles with alcoholism or drug addiction, how productive are the pictures and posts of excessive partying and drinking?

If I want to be a witness to my FB friend who is a non-believer, should I post scriptures, post invites to my church, all the while making references to my live-in boyfriend or gossiping about others.  On the same note, should I use the Bible to chastise others that have hurt or offended me?  I will speak candidly about this topic.  There are several churches that I have no intention of visiting because of the FB posts by members of their congregation.  They are up one day and down the next.  Preaching in one post, and accusing in another post.  Quoting scripture, then using profanity.  Oh, and FYI...no matter how pretty the words, people know when a post is directed at them.  It doesn't bring conviction; it often brings resentment and an awful amount of hurt.  One may say, you can't judge the whole church by a few people...No, I would say, but I can judge the fruit. 

I refer you to Proverbs 18:19-21, "A brother offended is harder to be won over than a strong city, and [their] contentions separate them like the bars of a castle. A man's [moral] self shall be filled with the fruit of his mouth; and with the consequence of his words he must be satisfied [whether good or evil]. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life].  What fruit will you be eating?

Just the other day, I realized how my physical woes of late pale in comparison to those of others around me.  So, I can choose to speak negatively of my situation, I can choose to have a "woe is me" attitude, or I can thank God every single day for all the wonderful things He has done for me.  So my prayer is to have productive words, uplifting, light-hearted, encouraging lips so that I may be filled with life and not death.



Psalm 19:14 "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."



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