The Journey

I'm sitting here in my apartment, the only light is the glow of the computer screen, the only sound is the whirl of the dishwasher.  I've been thinking about this past year.  So many ups and downs.  So many possibilities turned to disappointments.  Peaks and valleys.  The only consistency in my life lately seems to be inconsistency, uncertainty.  I've been afraid to smile at something good ahead, thinking when am I going to find out this isn't real?  Or, what is this going to cost me?  Though I've tried to safeguard myself from certain situations, it is as though I find myself right in the middle of it, again.  To me, the only thing worse than reliving the past, is repeating it. I think of the Israelites...40 years of wandering around the same mountain.  Many never made it to the Promised Land.  Moses, their leader, only got to see it from afar off.  I've been asking God, "How much longer will I continue to walk around this same mountain?"  I have be